I'm not really here. I'm dead. I was killed by a ghost. (Which kind of makes me a ghost now, doesn't it?) How did this happen? Well, let me tell you the story.
My son got a Wii U for Christmas. He was busy playing one of his Mario games. "Mama," he said. "Come and play with me."
"But I don't like video games," I said.
"Aww, Mama, please! It's fun!"
Reluctantly, I agreed to do this. He handed me a control. "What do I do with this?" I asked.
"Press the buttons."
Of course. I looked at the gizmo and wondered why it was that kids have no trouble pressing random buttons while adults are afraid of doing something that will result in some kind of nuclear destruction. After examining the device carefully, I figured out what the buttons did. "Okay," I said. "I'm ready."
He started the game, Luigi's Haunted Castle. "You have to kill the ghost. I'm the ghost."
"Okay. How do I kill the ghost?"
"Shine your flashlight on him."
I attempted to move the Luigi character. I think he was drunk, because he kept bumping into walls. He managed to kill a few random ghosts, but then the battery in his light burned out. "Now what?" I asked.
"Go get a battery," my son said.
"What kind? D? AA? C?"
My son looked at me like I was crazy. "No, Mama! The battery is in the corner. You have to move Luigi over there to get it."
Unfortunately, I never made it to the corner. The ghost popped out of nowhere and ate me up. So now I'm dead.
Maybe I'll rise again after the New Year. Maybe.
I hope you all have a fantastic New Year! Best wishes for 2013!