The Pitch Contest

My daughter got off the school bus and hopped into my car.  "Mom, guess what?"

"What?" I asked.

"We had a pitch contest in school, today."

"A pitch contest?"  I imagined the class writing query letters to agents, trying to convince them to represent their manuscripts. That wasn't it.

"Yeah. We're learning about sound waves in school, so we had a contest to see who could produce the biggest sound waves.  We had to scream as loud as we could. Like this."  My daughter let out an ear-piercing scream.

"Oh my gosh!" I said, quickly covering my ears.  "Did you have to do that in the car?"

She grinned. 

My son thought that was hilarious.  So guess what he did?  He screamed.

Then they both screamed at the same time.

"ENOUGH!!!" I bellowed.

It got quiet. 

"Wow, Mom," my daughter said.  "I think you just won the pitch contest!"
 

Abe Lincoln Costume

My son, who's in the second grade, has a school project:  write a report on a famous person and then present it to the class.  But here's the catch - he has to dress up like the person, and he has to do it this week. Not a lot of time to come up with a costume!

"Who did you pick?"  I asked after he announced this little assignment.

"Abraham Lincoln."

Well, at least he was somebody we could find a lot of information about, and the costume shouldn't be too tough to handle - a suit, a top hat, and a beard.  I started scrounging around the house to see what I could come up with.  I found a suit, a sparkly gold top hat, brown felt, and black spray paint.

"Okay, Bubba," I said.  "Here's the plan:  You'll wear this suit.  I'll make a beard with this felt, and you can tape it to your face.  Then I'll spray paint this hat, and that'll be your top hat."

He looked at me like I was nuts.  "Mama, I am not taping one of your felt creations to my face!  And you  had better not do anything with that gold hat!  It's my special hat!"

"Okay," I said.  "What if I just cover the the gold with black foamy stuff that can be removed?"

"Mama!"

"What?"

"Just go to the costume store and buy a top hat and beard."

The kid obviously has no confidence in my creative abilities!      

 

The Meatloaf War

My husband decided that he wanted to cook dinner.  "I'm making meatloaf," he announced.

That was fine with me, because you all know how much I love cooking!

A short while later, we all sat down and began eating.  "This is the best meatloaf I've ever had," said my husband.  "Even better than Mama's meatloaf!"

"Hey, wait a minute," I said.  "I make a pretty darn good meatloaf!"

"Yeah, right," he said.  "A slab of meat with a little ketsup drizzled on it?"

"Excuse me?"  The man was starting to push my buttons. 

"I know how to make meatloaf," my husband continued. "I used two types of meat."

"I use three," I rebuttled.

"And I put peppers and onions in the meat, too."

My son, Bubba, spoke up.  "But Dad, I don't like peppers!"

I grinned.  "I put in onions, and a lot of seasonings."

Then my daughter commented.  "Mom's has a lot of flavor," she said.

"Mine is still better," insisted my husband.  "Isn't it?"  He gave my kids the look telling them they had better agree.

They looked at each other. 

"Tie!" they announced.

Aren't they just so diplomatic?   

   

Please Allow Me to Re-Introduce Myself

 This is totally last minute.  I was just perusing the blogosphere, when I saw this neat little blog hop going on.  One of the hosts is Stephen Tremp.  If you want to participate, go see him and sign up.

So, for those of you who don't know me, let me introduce myself with this official bio from my webpage:

Official Bio

Sherry Ellis is a freelance writer and children's author.  Her book, That Mama is a Grouch, was honored as a finalist in the Parenting/Family category of the 2010 USA Book News Awards and as a finalist in the Parenting/General category of the 2011 International Book Awards. It was also awarded first place in the Parenting category of the 2011 Pinnacle Book Awards.

Sherry is also a professional musician who plays and teaches violin, viola, and piano. She has appeared as a soloist in Germany, and was a semi-finalist in the 2004 International Viola Competition held in Paris, France.

Sherry is a lifetime member of Cambridge Who's Who and was honored as a 2010 VIP of the year. In 2012, she was honored as a Woman of the Year by the American Biographical Institute for her contributions in the field of music education.



Blah, blah, blah.  Now for the interesting stuff:  I'm a mom, of course.  I have two lovely kids and 26 pets.  (Don't ask!)  I like SCUBA diving (I was a PADI Scuba instructor in my past life AKA before kids),   I enjoy hiking, biking, travelling, gardening, writing, and playing and teaching my instruments.  I used to do arts and crafty things, too, like scrapbooking and crossstitching, but honestly, I just don't have time to do that stuff anymore.

What about you?  Who are you, and what do you like?

A Cow in Toilet Land

My son, Bubba, was on a roll today. He was spinning all kinds of stories. Here's one that came out of the anals of his mind:  (Caution:  If you don't like potty talk, you may want to skip this post and come back tomorrow!)

There was once a cow who got flushed down the toilet.  (Insert sound effects here!)

He found himself in Toilet Land. There, the trees were made of turds.  The houses were made of turds.  Even the beds were made of turds. (Except for Bubba's which was made of fabric.)

One day, a giant poopsteroid from outer space crashed into Toilet Land. It left a giant trail of turds.

Not to worry, though, because an alien spaceship arrived with a giant toilet.  The aliens scooped up the turds and flushed them down the toilet.  Except the toilet got blocked.

Fortunately, there was another alien spaceship in the area.  This one had a giant plunger.  The aliens plunged the toilet, and all the turds went down.

The End.

 Hmmm.  What do you think?  I'm personally wondering what happened to the cow. Did it get flushed down the toilet, or is it happily living its life in Toilet Land, producing chocolate milk?  (Note:  I'd advise not consuming anything that was produced in Toilet Land!)  

Locked in the Mall

Before I tell you my story, I have an announcement to make. (No, I'm not pregnant - I don't think.)  Here's my announcement:  I passed hair inspection at the dance studio!  Do you remember the utter failure I was at my first attempt to get my daughter's hair in the appropriate hairdo for the competition dance team?  Well, I redeemed myself today.  The owner said it looked good, and I passed!  Yay me! 

Okay.  Now for the story.

"Mom," my daughter said last night.  "I'm out of clothes.  Nothing fits.  We have to go shopping."

"Now?" I asked, looking at the clock.  "It's late.  The mall will be closing soon."

"I need clothes," she said.  "We have to go now."

I sighed.  "All right. Fine. Let's go."

We drove to the mall and went in.  We had fifteen minutes until it closed.  "This is not a good idea," I said.  "You never find something in fifteen minutes!"

"Yes, I will!"

She didn't.

"Okay," I said.  "We have to get out of here."

"No, not until I find something!"

"We'll do this tomorrow.  Just wear what you have on now."

"Mom!"

I dragged the girl to the exit.  Except when we tried to get out, we couldn't.  The doors were locked.  We were stuck in the mall!

"Are you kidding?" I asked.

Long story short, we had to find the guard to let us out.  Could you imagine what it would have been like to have spent a night at the mall?  Major horror story!  Lesson learned - never listen to a tween!
  

 

Followed by Ghosts

Ghosts seem to like me this week.  I must have a sign on my back that says, "Haunt me."  What happened?  Well, let me tell you.

Last night, I was at Memorial Hall in downtown Cincinnati.  It was the night of the big recital.  I waited in the back room until it was time for me to go onstage to perform.  As I sat there, the security guard walked into the room and started talking.  "Did you know Memorial Hall is one of the most haunted places is Cincinnati?"

I shook my head.  "No, I did not."

"It is.  This was once the site of an insane asylum and an orphanage."

What a combination! I thought.  I wondered if they were in the same building.

"That's nice," I said.  "And you're saying there are ghosts from the asylum and the orphanage floating around here?"

"Yep," he said.  "I've witnessed them myself."

"Seriously?"

"Yes.  And there was a team of investigators here, and they witnessed paranormal activity."

Great.  "So what happened?"

"They asked the ghosts if they wanted to be left alone, and if they did, to give a sign."

"Did they get a sign?" I asked, intrigued.

"Yes.  The picture on the wall flipped."

Whoa. 

"They're here," the guard continued.  "You can feel them."

Just then, the lights dimmed.

I looked at the guard.  He looked at me. 

Okay, crazy ghost,  I thought.  Here's the deal:  You leave me alone, and I'll leave you alone!

I guess it worked, because there were no other incidents, and the performance went very well!