The Moron Test

"Mom," my twelve-year-old daughter said.  "Do you want to take the moron test?"

I tried not to laugh.  "I don't think I need to take the moron test.  We already know I'm one of those."

She handed her iPod to me.  "Take it anyway."

I looked at the screen.  "What am I supposed to do?"

"Follow the instructions.  If you can't do that, you're a moron."

I suppressed a giggle and read the first instruction:  Press the red button.

I did. Somehow I managed to do that correctly.

I was then given a series of tasks to complete - ordering the sizes of ducks from biggest to smallest, tapping colored circles, and adding numbers.  Progressing through these tasks successfully, I was given the rank "average mammal."  It was time for the next level.

"Tap the screen five times," it said.

I did.  The iPod did nothing.  "What's the problem?" I asked.

My daughter took the device from my hands.  "You're supposed to tap it five times."

"I did," I said.  "But it's stuck here."

She tapped it one more time.

"FAIL!" the screen blared.

My daughter threw the iPod on her bed. "Moron!" she shouted at it.  "That's the dumbest test ever!"