Mama Diaries

Friday, October 30, 2015

The Problem with Pacifiers

When my kids were babies, they never liked pacifiers. This wasn't a huge problem, because I never had to deal with weaning them from the pacifier habit. I never understood, though, why they disliked them so much.

Fifteen years later, I have my answer.

My teenaged daughter is going out trick-or-treating as a baby. She has a flannel onesie and a pacifier that she will wear on a ribbon around her neck. The other day, while I was helping her with her homework, she put the pacifier in her mouth and quickly spit it out. Obviously, she still had a strong distaste for it.

"You don't like pacifiers?" I asked.

She shook her head and made a face. "They're disgusting. They're soft and rubbery, and they taste like chemicals."

Mystery solved. My big baby used her words to inform us that pacifiers have a terrible texture and taste bad. Makes me wonder why most babies like them so much.     

Thursday, October 29, 2015

The Boo Crew

It's that time of year, again. Time to going booing. For those of you who don't know, it's a Halloween tradition. Basically,  you put together containers of treats and terrorize your neighbors. You go out after dark, ring  their doorbells, leave the treats, and run. The idea is not to get caught.

My kids and I have done this for about five years. Every year, it's a new adventure. Last year, we were lucky not to get picked up by the policeman who was patrolling the neighborhood. It was a close call!

This year's adventure involved the weather. It was raining.

"Bubba," I said. "Let's take the car. I don't feel like getting wet."

My son shook his head. "We can't take the car. They'll see us."

"But it's dark," I said. "They're not going to know who it is!"

He disagreed. "I'm sure they'll be able to track down the license plates."


After a long discussion, I finally agreed to go booing on foot. I, of course, had an umbrella, because I am such a wise Mama. The boy refused to take an umbrella, because umbrellas can be spotted easily.

We accomplished the mission, barely escaping detection by the residents of the first house we visited. When we returned to our home, I looked at my boy. He was drenched.

"Was it worth it?" I asked.

He gave me a big grin. "That was the best booing ever!" 


Wednesday, October 28, 2015

Phone Warmer

This morning, my teenaged daughter was frantically looking for her phone.

"Why don't you call it and see if you can locate it?" I suggested.

That's what she did.

Guess where it was?

Under our hundred pound German Shepherd's butt. He was sitting on it, and even when it rang, he didn't budge. I guess he wanted to keep it warm! 

Tuesday, October 27, 2015

Crazy Driver

My teenaged daughter will be learning how to drive soon. I'm not afraid of too many things, but this idea really scares me!

The other day she came up to me and said, "Mom, when I learn to drive, I'm going to use your car first. It's old, so it won't matter if I crash it."

I have her the evil eye. "You are not crashing my car. Period!"

She continued. "Then I'll use Dad's and crash his."

"You will do no such thing, because if you do, you'll be grounded for life and never drive again!"

(Which might actually keep her out of a lot of trouble!)

(If you're worried about my daughter, she's a very responsible young lady. I highly doubt she will ever crash our cars.)  

Friday, October 23, 2015

The Scariest House on the Street

A few weeks ago, my kids and their friends carved pumpkins. They placed their lovely creations on the steps leading up to my front door.

It didn't take long for the Georgia heat to rot those babies. After three weeks, they were infested with fruit flies, which swarmed around them. Their insides were black. I'd say they looked a lot like shrunken heads.

Did I do anything about them? No. I wasn't home much, and when I was, I was too busy doing other things.

Finally, my boy, Bubba, commented on them. "Mama. We have the scariest house on the block. Seven rotten pumpkins and a dead mum (which wasn't quite dead, just a little thirsty). Who's going to come trick-or-treating here?"

I gave him an evil laugh. "Nobody. This is the house of doom, and I'm the evil witch who will give them bags of carrots instead of candy!"

Hee, hee, hee!



Monday, October 19, 2015

Flying Money

I caught my eleven-year-old son folding dollar bills into paper airplanes.

"Dude," I said. "What are you doing?"

He grinned. "You know how you always say, 'money is flying out the door'?"


"Well, I'm making it really fly out the door. Watch!"

He opened the front door and set a few of his planes into motion.

Yep. That was watching money fly out the door!

Now, for a little something extra:  I shared this video clip from my recital with my Facebook friends, but I thought there might be some of you who aren't on Facebook, who might like to see it. This is from the Schubert "Arpeggione" Sonata in A minor. Allen Baston is the pianist.

Friday, October 16, 2015

The Wish List

"Mama," my son, Bubba said. "If you found a bottle on the beach, and there was a genie inside who could grant you wishes, what would they be?"

I thought about that for a nanosecond. "Probably life-long good health and an endless supply of money."

He nodded. "Do you know what I would wish for?"

"What, Bubba?"

"I'd wish for no homework, an endless supply of money, and two more wishes."

Smart boy!

(What would you wish for?)

Tuesday, October 13, 2015

Bubba and the Bean Stock

First, I'd like to say I'm sorry about not posting regularly these past few weeks. I was preparing for my recital, which I had this weekend. It was a lot of fun!  Here's a photo for those of you who like pictures:

I'm still going to be sporadic, because I'm working on a lot of writing projects with deadlines fast approaching. I'll do my best to be here whenever I can, though!

Now for the story:

I caught my boy, Bubba dangling his green Krav belt over the balcony rail. 

"Dude," I said. "What exactly are you doing?"

"It's a bean stock, Mama. Climb up."

"Seriously, Bubba? It's a Krav belt, and there's no way I'm going to grab that thing while you're holding it, and try to climb up."

He looked at the belt. "No, Mama. You just have to use your imagination. It's a bean stock, and  I'm the giant at the top. I can pull you up!"

Right. (I have a great imagination, but I didn't buy that one!)

Thursday, October 8, 2015

Endless Pocket

Last night, I went for a walk with my son. For him, it's like going on a car ride. He needs things to keep himself entertained. The game he chose for this particular walk was, "guess what's in my pocket."

"Mama," he said, "What's in my pocket?"

"Your hand?"

He grinned. "Yeah. But what else?"

"I have no idea," I said.

"A bottle cap." He pulled it out and showed me.

Two seconds later, he asked again. "What's in my pocket?"


"You have to guess."

"Okay. A string?"

"No." He pulled out a small stone. "Guess what else is in my pocket?"

"I don't know? A toy?"

"No." He pulled out a leaf.

The game went on and on. Each time, he'd drop back and pick something up off of the ground to shove in his pocket. Finally, he came up with a tree branch.

"Dude, that did not come out of your pocket," I said.

"How do you know?" he asked. "Maybe I have never-ending pockets!"

Before I go, I want to let you know that there's a nice review of my book, Ten Zany Birds on the blog, Mommy Wants to Read If you'd like to check it out, please hop over.

Tuesday, October 6, 2015

Watermelon Experiment and Question of the Month

Before I begin my story, I'll do the question of the month, hosted by Michael D'Agostino.

The question of the month is, "If an actor were to portray you in a movie, who would it be?"

Answer:  Well, I couldn't make up my mind, but it would be one of these two ladies: 

In case you don't recognize them, the top is Anne Hathaway, and the bottom is Anna Kendrick.  My blog friend, Janie Junebug once commented that Anne Hathaway would be a good selection to portray me in a movie. She's probably right, because she's always right. My daughter says my personality is exactly like Anna Kendrick. She could be right. But I'm not going to say that she's always right.  I do get a little feisty at times. Either one of these woman would do a great job in playing me. (I wonder if either of them would be willing to jump out of an airplane!)

Now for the story:

You may recall that my daughter was having a birthday party in which she was going to explode some watermelons using rubber bands. The explosions happened, but not the way we had planned.

The girls tried the rubber bands with one of the melons. Unfortunately, my boy, Bubba, did some writing on the rind with a knife, which compromised the experiment. Air was allowed to seep through the knife scoring, thereby not allowing enough pressure to build. The girls found another way:  They smashed the watermelon by throwing it on the ground.

Experiment two:  This was with a smaller melon.  At 245 rubber bands, nothing was happening. They decided that rubber bands didn't work, so they found another way - using an air compressor. They rolled the compressor out to the driveway and hooked it up to an inflator needle for bike tires. They then inserted the needle into the watermelon and turned the compressor on. After about 3 minutes, the melon exploded.

I explained that it took over four hundred rubber bands to do the trick. I asked if they wanted to try doing it the proper way with another melon.

"No way, Mom! That takes too long. We'll explode it with the air compressor!"

Which is exactly what they did. I guess that's the way it is in a world of instant gratification!

Friday, October 2, 2015

Exploding Watermelons

My teenage daughter is having a birthday party this weekend. She gave me a list of things she wants for it. At the top of the list was watermelons.

"You're going to eat watermelon?" I asked.

"Yeah, but first we're going to explode it."

"What?" I couldn't wait to hear what kind of ridiculous thing she had planned.

"Make sure you get a whole watermelon. And rubber bands. We're going to wrap rubber bands around  the watermelon and watch it explode. It'll be cool."

And messy.

So, ladies and gentlemen, what I will be doing this weekend is watching a bunch of teenagers explode watermelons. If you'd like to see one for yourself, here's a video: