Mama Diaries

Tuesday, March 27, 2018

Shakespeare According to Mama

The other day, my daughter had to take some lines from Shakespeare's Macbeth and translate them into English that people these days would understand.

"Mom," she said staring at the words, "I have no idea what this is about."

I looked over her shoulder to see what she was reading. Here's what it said:

If it were done when ’tis done, then ’twere well 
It were done quickly. If th’assassination 
Could trammel up the consequence, and catch 
With his surcease success: that but this blow 
Might be the be-all and the end-all, here, 
But here upon this bank and shoal of time, 
We’d jump the life to come. But in these cases 
We still have judgement here, that we but teach 
Bloody instructions which, being taught, return 
To plague th’inventor. This even-handed justice 
Commends th’ingredience of our poisoned chalice 
To our own lips. He’s here in double trust: 
First, as I am his kinsman and his subject, 
Strong both against the deed; then, as his host, 
Who should against his murderer shut the door, 
Not bear the knife myself. Besides, this Duncan 
Hath borne his faculties so meek, hath been 
So clear in his great office, that his virtues 
Will plead like angels, trumpet-tongued against 
The deep damnation of his taking-off, 
And pity, like a naked new-born babe, 
Striding the blast, or heaven’s cherubin, horsed 
Upon the sightless couriers of the air, 
Shall blow the horrid deed in every eye 
That tears shall drown the wind. I have no spur 
To prick the sides of my intent, but only 
Vaulting ambition which o’erleaps itself 
And falls on th’other.

"Whoa," I said. "'Tis mighty long-winded!"

"What's he saying?" my daughter asked.

"I think some dude is thinking about killing someone. But he's thinking there might be consequences. And maybe he's thinking it would be a bad example to others. And maybe he thinks it would come back and bite him in the butt."

"That makes sense. Why couldn't Shakespeare say it the way you did?"

"Because people back then wouldn't have understood a word I just said."

What about you? Do you remember reading Shakespeare in school? Could you understand what he was talking about?

Monday, March 19, 2018

Cat Stalkers

Before I begin, I'd like to let you know that blogger friend, Traci Terry is doing a giveaway of my newest picture book, Don't Feed the Elephant. If you'd like to enter, or read the nice review she posted, go here.

Now for the story:

A couple of evenings ago, I was out walking around the neighborhood. I noticed a cat. He was hiding behind a bush in stalk mode. I wondered what he was stalking, so I watched. Turns out, he was stalking another cat, who happened to be wandering aimlessly through someone's yard. I didn't think the stalker cat was being very nice, so I decided to give him a little surprise. I stalked him.

I snuck up behind him in super-stealth mode. He didn't have a clue I was there.  Then, when I was an arm's-length away, I shouted, "Boo!"

You should've seen that cat!  Let's just say I scared him good!  He ran off as fast as he could.

The next morning, Schultz, our German Shepherd, and I went out for a walk. Guess who we saw? The cats. Not exactly in stalk mode, but still out and about. Schultz decided he wanted to try stalking. Trouble is, he's not so good at it. Problem number one is that his tags jingle. Anything can hear him coming a mile away. And problem number two is that he simply doesn't know how to properly stalk. Slow motion is a foreign concept. It's all about chasing. Needless to say, Schultz didn't scare any cats. I think I need to teach him a thing or two!


Monday, March 12, 2018

The Germ Shepherd

Our German Shepherd, Schultz, recently had a case of a bad ear infection. It seems that the satellite ears of the breed are very good at collecting debris. Ear infections are quite common with German Shepherds. When the veterinarian did a swab sample of whatever was in Schultz's ear, the collection revealed an assortment of fungus, bacteria, and who-knows-what-else. Poor dog! He took his medication, and I'm happy to report he's fine now.

But the funny thing is, on the same day he came back from the vet, we received his renewed license. (Pet owners in Georgia have to renew these every year.) On the license it read, "Germ Shepherd." I chuckled. Very appropriate!

                                                   Schultz, the Germ Shepherd

One more thing:

As I was wandering through the cyber universe, I found these very cute pictures of a German Shepherd and his owl friend. If you'd like to see them, click here.

Monday, March 5, 2018


If you have school-age kids, you know how crazy it can be in the morning, trying to get them ready for school. After breakfast, my teenage son always wants to crawl back into bad for an extra fifteen minutes of sleep. Usually, he wakes up in time and gets to the bus stop. The other day, he did not.

"Mom, can you drive me to the bus stop?"

I had just put the last hot roller in my hair, and was getting ready to apply my makeup. I had to be out the door for a meeting in less than thirty minutes. "Dude, seriously?"

"Yeah. I'm not going to make it if we don't go now."

I sighed. I didn't want to take the rollers out, because the hair wouldn't have had time to curl properly. I ran out of the bathroom and grabbed my purse and keys. "Fine. Let's go."

Of course, he missed the bus, which meant I had to drive him to school wearing no makeup and sporting hot rollers in my hair. Not a pretty sight.  "This is so not cool!" I complained.

Bubba laughed. "You look great, Mom!"

I frowned. Then I spotted a police man, parked, waiting to nab speeders. I won't say what I thought, but it was about as nice as I looked. I frantically started pulling the rollers out of my hair, and managed to get all but the back ones out. At least if he had seen me from the side and front, I'd have looked normal. I figured it would have been just my luck to get stopped looking like such a disaster. Fortunately, my speed didn't activate his radar. I put on a pair of sunglasses, and hoped my funky hair-do wouldn't attract too much attention.

It didn't. I dropped the boy off to school without anyone giving me any funny looks. I also got home and did my makeup and hair properly, so that when I went out again, I was no longer a mom-tastrophe.

Have any of you ever had a similar experience?

Before I go, I'd like to share a book trailer for my newest book, Don't Feed the Elephant. If you haven't already seen it, it features animation of some of the illustrations, and a narration done by me. The trailer was produced by epublishingeXperts who illustrated the book.