Mama Diaries

Tuesday, June 28, 2016

Ranch-flavored Cat

Our cat, Bootsy, was practicing bad table manners, again. This time it was with me. As I sat at the picnic table, eating my sandwich, the cat jumped up onto the table and sniffed my sandwich. I yanked it away, but not before some of the ranch dressing that was in it dripped on to the cat's head.

I tried to get it off, but Bootsy wouldn't sit still to let me do it. "Fine," I said. "You can run around with ranch dressing on your head."

Which is what he did, until our hundred pound German Shepherd came out to play. Schultz picked up on the ranch scent right away. He walked over to the cat, gave him a sniff, and licked off the dressing.

(Good thing Schultz wasn't hungry, or that cat might've been Schultz's dinner!)

Before I go, I would like to share a promo video that was made for the anthology, The Thing That Turned Me. The release date has been pushed to the end of August, but you can see this video now. In it, I tell you a little about myself and the piece that I wrote for the anthology.

Wednesday, June 22, 2016

Skating Rink for Schultz

We recently got the hard-wood floors in our house refinished. They look fantastic, but whatever was put on the floors to seal them, has made them really slippery! Everyone has slipped a little. But no one has slipped more than Schultz, our hundred pound German Shepherd.

The quadruped can't seem to control his speed. He goes fast. Unfortunately, that doesn't work so well on slippery floors.   He loses his balance and falls on his nose. Or he crashes into the wall.

"Dog, slow down!" I said after his last crash.

He looked at me with his big, brown puppy eyes. Then he walked slowly to the front hall where we have an area rug. When he spotted the rug, he wagged his bushy tail. Then he ran and pounced not- so-gracefully onto the rug. That thing slid across the hall, but he managed to remain upright.

He looked very pleased with himself. Since then, he has done it several more times. He now has a new mode of transportation for navigating our slick rink - his very own magic carpet ride.

Thursday, June 16, 2016

Daddy's Got Talent

So, my husband has decided he is going to audition for America's Got Talent.

"Wait a minute," I said. "You've got talent?"

After living with him for over 15 years, I had no idea.

"Yeah. I've got talent."

"Doing what?"


I looked at the guy. I've heard him on occasion singing in the shower, and let me tell you, it's nothing to write home about.

"You sure about that?"

"Yep."  Then he showed me a video. "This guy is my inspiration."

I watched as an 82 year old dude audition on American's Got Talent. My jaw dropped to the floor.
"Uh, okay."

You can see the video here.

The thing is, I can totally see my husband doing what the old dude did.

Friday, June 10, 2016

A Cure for Everything

Before I begin my story, I want to let you all know that I'm giving away copies of each of my three books (That Baby Woke Me Up, AGAIN, That Mama is a Grouch, and Ten Zany Birds). If you're on Facebook, you can follow this link, and it will take you to the page where the giveaway is. Just leave a comment for your chance to win. The giveaway will be up through Sunday.

And now for the story.

"Mama," my twelve-year-old son said. "I'm going to invent a cure for everything."

"You are?" I asked. I couldn't wait to hear about this.

"Yes. Do you know how?"

"I have no idea."

"I'm going to take every vaccine that was ever created, and mix them together. It'll be a super vaccine."

I raised my eyebrows. "You're sure that would work?"

He nodded. "Pretty sure. But I'd test it on chipmunks just to double check."

Okay. I think Alvin and the gang had better run. My mad scientist has big plans!

(I wonder if it would cure hiccups.)

Friday, June 3, 2016

Question of the Month and Sisterhood Blogger Award

It's time for Question of the Month hosted by Michael D'Agostino. This month's question is:

Of all the places in the world that you haven’t yet been to, where would you like to go next?”

Hmmm. I guess Australia. There are a few things on my bucket list that can be done there. I want to see a concert at the Sydney Opera House. I want to dive/snorkel the Great Barrier Reef, and I want to hold a koala bear. Plus I would like to visit every continent. Australia would be one off the list.

Maybe I'd hop over to New Zealand after that. I've heard that place is gorgeous.

Where would you like to go?

Second, Tracy Terry nominated me for the Sisterhood of the World Blogger Award.

Thanks, Tracy! I have to answer some of her questions, now.

What old object to I have stashed away collecting dust?  Well, we'll have to make that plural. I have a huge collection of Nancy Drew books. Several were my mom's when she was a kid. They might even be first editions. They're probably worth a lot of money. I'll probably end up passing them down to my daughter.

Which childhood programs would you like to see again? I didn't really watch too much TV. What I did watch was Sesame Street and Mister Rogers. I don't know if either of those are still playing. If not, those are the ones I'd like to see.

When you think of an iconic film, what comes to mind? Gone with the Wind. That's pretty iconic.

What other names am I known by? Mama. I'm sure you can figure out why.

If I ordered a main meal, would I start with an appetizer or pudding?  By "pudding" I would assume that means dessert. Tracy's from the UK, and I think that's how they talk there. I generally do not eat appetizers or desserts. I just eat the main meal. Usually, I'm too full to fit anything else after that. If I had a choice between appetizer or dessert, I'd probably take the dessert. I have a sweet tooth!

If I had to go to a fancy dress party, what would be my costume of choice?   I'm a girly-girl, so I would choose a floor-length evening gown - probably red, because red is my favorite color.

Superstitious? No.

Which person or animal would I be able to impersonate? I can't say this is question I've ever considered. I suppose I'd be good at impersonating a chicken. Please don't ask me to demonstrate!

What character in a book would be my imaginary friend? Goodness. Another tough one. Okay. I think it would be Annie from the Magic Tree House series by Mary Pope Osborne. She's a fun little girl with a great sense of adventure. We'd have a good time together.

Lightening round:  Tea or Coffee? Neither. Water. Sweet or savory? Sweet. Clean shaven or with a beard? Clean shaven. Whiskers are too scratchy, but I will say, some guys look better with a beard.

Now, I'm supposed to pass this on to ten people and provide ten other questions. I'm really bad about picking people, mostly because I know many of you have received a bazillion of these awards and don't want to do them anymore. But in case you haven't, and you want to do this, consider yourself nominated. (This is an award for the ladies. You men will have to find your own brotherhood award.) If you choose to accept, here's what you're supposed to do:   mention you got it from me, answer the questions, provide ten more questions, and nominate ten more people.

As far as the questions go, you can use Tracy's or these:

1. What's your favorite gemstone?
2. If you were a historical figure, who would you be?
3. What's your favorite genre of film?
4. What was your favorite toy as a child?
5. What was the last book you'd recommend?
6. What was the best piece of advice you were ever given?
7. Who would be your dream dinner guest, and why?
8. Day or night?
9. If space travel was a reality, where would you go?
10. If time travel was real, what period would you travel to?

Thursday, June 2, 2016


My daughter went to Hilton Head beach this past week. While strolling along the beach, she found a particularly beautiful shell. After taking a selfie with it, she decided to bring it up to her hotel room. There it stayed, causing no trouble at all.

But then at midnight, the strangeness began. My daughter was awakened by the sound of scratching. It freaked her out. "Wake up!" she called to her friend.

The friend groaned. "It's midnight. Quit playing with your makeup!"

"I'm not playing with my makeup! Something is making a noise!"

The girls grabbed their flashlights and investigated. And what do you think they found? A hermit crab! The shell had come to life and was rummaging through my daughter's makeup pile.

The girls screamed.

Their screams awakened the grandparents. "What's going on here?"

The girls pointed at their visitor.

The grandfather laughed, grabbed that thing, and placed it in a cup. That's where it stayed until morning, when it was released back into the ocean.

So much for the pretty shell.