Mama Diaries

Monday, October 23, 2017

Scaredy Cat

Our cat, Bootsy, is a brave feline. We didn't think he'd be afraid of anything. Turns out, we were wrong.

My son, Bubba, decided he was going to parade around the house in his Halloween costume. Usually, Bootsy doesn't care. Nothing phases him. Not Darth Maul. Not the Grim Reaper. Not Freddy Kruger. But for some reason, Bootsy didn't like this costume. What did my boy wear? A plain white mask, a black fedora, and a button-down collared blue shirt. It freaked the poor cat out. He took one look at my boy, meowed the strangest sound I've ever heard, and ran for cover.

Who knows what went on in the poor cat's mind, but if Bubba had that affect on him, I'm worried about what's going to happen to the poor souls who have to lay eyes on him when he Trick-or-treats on Halloween! 


Wednesday, October 18, 2017

The Dog and the Frog

There is a very large frog that likes to sit on our front step each evening and make a lot of noise. He hasn't gone unnoticed by a certain quadruped named Schultz. Schultz is our hundred-pound German Shepherd.

The other night, Mr. Schultz finally had the opportunity to introduce himself to the amphibian. He charged out the garage door, bounded across the front lawn, and stopped right in front of Mr. Frog. What did Mr. Frog do? Nothing. Not even a hop.

Mr. Schultz gave the frog the biggest sniff ever. His big, wet nose was basically on top of that frog, sniffing every square inch. This lasted at least ten seconds. Finally, Schultz got bored and trotted off to sniff something else.

Once Schultz was safely out of distance, the frog blinked his little eyeballs and resumed croaking.

(I'm guessing the frog is one of Croaky's pals. (Croaky is our pet African clawed frog.) He probably told him about Schultz, so his buddy knew he had nothing to worry about!)

Thursday, October 12, 2017

Ancient Grains

The other day, when I walked past the shoe closet, I noticed an unpleasant odor. It didn't quite smell like stinky socks - something you might expect from such a closet. Curious, I opened the door. After some poking around, my nose led me to a lunch box. My son's lunch box. It was shoved in the back corner. Who only knew how long it had been sitting there.

I picked that thing up between my thumb and index finger, afraid of what lethal contaminant might be lurking inside, and placed it on the kitchen counter. I unzipped it. What  I found inside was a bunch of Ziploc bags. Most were empty. All except one. In that one was a sandwich, which at the very least, could be described as a science experiment gone wrong. The once nutritious whole-grain bread was covered in blue and yellow growth. The blue, I'm guessing, was mold. The yellow? Your guess is as good as mine. All I knew was that it produced an exceptionally foul odor which needed to be eliminated immediately if not sooner.

All I can say about that, was that my son gave new meaning to the words, "ancient grains."

(I was going to take a picture, but I figured it might make the majority of you want to vomit. I hope ya'll appreciate my consideration!)

Tuesday, October 3, 2017

How to Solve a Rubiks Cube

There are many ways to solve a Rubiks Cube.  For those of you who might not be familiar with what one is, it's a cube puzzle with lots of colored squares. The goal is to have each side the same color. To achieve this, most people rotate the rows of the cube.  Other people, like myself, peel off the stickers and reattach them in the proper place.

My son? Well, he's not like most people. He's not even like me.

The other day, I found his Rubiks Cube completely disassembled on the floor in his room. Tiny cube-ish squares of color were spread out, making it very difficult to walk.

"Dude," I said. "What's going on here?"

He grinned. "I discovered that you can take the cube apart. Now I'm going to reassemble it to solve the puzzle."

He's still working on it. I suspect it will take him about twenty years to complete. Taking the stickers off would have been so much easier!

If you want to properly solve the cube, learn how by going here.