Mama Diaries

Saturday, July 31, 2010

Noodle Piece Prize

I was playing the game of Life with my kids. My daughter was helping me read what was written in the various spaces. When my son landed on a space, she read, "Win the noodle piece prize. Collect $125,000."

We all started laughing. Of course it should have been the "Nobel Peace Prize," but the noodle prize was quite appropriate for my little guy!

Thursday, July 29, 2010

Ghost in the Dentist's Office

My dentist's office is haunted. The ghosts are none other than my two crazy kids covered in a bed sheet! I could not believe it when I discovered that my kids had smuggled a sheet out of the house and brought it into the car. As we walked into the dentist's office, I noticed my daughter had a package under her arm.

"What's that?" I asked.

"A sheet."


"We're going to put on a play."

"In the dentist's office?"


Well, let's just say, the staff, customers, and fish were quite entertained!

Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Fairy House

My kids and I have started a nice little tradition. For each season, we build a fairy house. In the winter, they are usually constructed out of icicles. In the spring, we find tree branches, flowers, and stones. Today we constructed our summer fairy house. It was quite a masterpiece! In addition to the usual tree branches, flowers, pine cones, and greenery, we added shells we had found at the river. We made tables and plates. We found some berries for fairy food and added those too. This little house even had a chandelier hanging from the ceiling. My kids were very proud of their creation!

Tuesday, July 27, 2010


You might recall that about two months ago, my son was begging my father-in-law for a Lego Star Wars AT-AT set. Grandpa promised to get it for his birthday. Well, yesterday was the little guy's birthday, and true to his word, Grandpa delivered the AT-AT - all one thousand, one hundred and thirty-seven pieces!

Who do you think is going to be putting that thing together? I'll give you a hint: It's sure not the birthday boy.

"Come on, mommy, put together the AT-AT!"

I've been working on that darned thing for about five hours now, and I have only a half of a leg put together. At this rate it's going to take me until his next birthday to put it together! Thanks Grandpa!

Sunday, July 25, 2010

The Big Catch

Today my children, father, and I went fishing. Armed with poles, hooks, and a few slices of bread, we baited our lines. We cast our lines and waited. It didn't take long to snag a fish - and it was a big one! My son's pole bent way down as the thing on the other end fought to get away.

"Grandpa, help!" he exclaimed.

My dad helped my little man reel it in. This thing was an eighteen-inch catfish!

I was sure glad I didn't have to take it off the line!

Saturday, July 24, 2010

Lost Tooth

My son lost his third tooth. I don't mean that it fell out of his mouth. It did that. What I mean, is that he misplaced it. AGAIN. Three baby teeth lost - three paper teeth for the tooth fairy. That tooth fairy is going to be a little upset at not having a real tooth again!

Friday, July 23, 2010


My kids and I played a game of Clue today (the board game where you try to guess who did the crime, with what, and in which room). My almost-six-year-old son didn't quite understand, but he played along anyway.

At the end of the game, my daughter and I both thought we had it all figured out. It was a race to get to the room that we thought was the scene of the crime.

My daughter got there ahead of me. She made a suggestion as to what the details of the crime were. I didn't have anything to dispute it. My son claimed he didn't have anything to dispute it. So my daughter made the accusation and looked in the envelope to see if she was correct. Her face fell as she looked at the cards. She had the person right, the room right, but the weapon was incorrect. "It's a rope," she said.

My son grinned. "I have the knife!"

That boy!

Thursday, July 22, 2010

Broken Hearts

The kids and I went back to the pet store today to visit the adorable Beagle that they had fallen in love with yesterday. The Beagle was still there, but the sign on her crate read, "Beagle is sold. Will be going to a new home on Friday."

The kids were heartbroken. "But we wanted her!" they said.

"I'm sorry," I said, " The puppy is going to have a new home."

I let them play with her a little before we left.

As we left the store, we could here the little dog crying. She wanted her friends to come back. It was heart-breaking!

Wednesday, July 21, 2010

Puppy Love

My kids have wanted a puppy for years. I bet they have been asking for at least five years. (Can you believe we've been holding out that long?) Today at the pet store, there was an adorable female beagle who was about 7 or 8 months old. Someone had thrown her out of a car and left. The pet store was trying to find a good home for it.

"Please, mommy, can we have it?"

I looked at my son's puppy eyes. I looked at my daughter's puppy eyes. Then I looked at the puppy's puppy eyes. Gosh darn it, why did they have to look at me like that?

The only thing that kept me from getting that puppy was knowing that my husband would have a fit if I brought it home. So now I have to try to negotiate. We'll see if we end up with that cute little beagle. Stay tuned.

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Backseat Mayhem

Tuesdays are adventure days. Usually that means that we go somewhere unique or explore new places. Today's adventure was supposed to be to the Cincinnati Fire Museum in downtown Cincinnati. If you've ever read any of my previous posts, you know that my navigation skills through downtown Cincinnati are pretty horrendous. Today was no different.

To make matters worse, it was utter mayhem in the back seat of my car.

"Mommy, there's blood all over Bubba's face!" yelled my daughter.


Apparently the little guy yanked on his loose tooth a little too hard. There was blood on his face, blood on his hands, and even in his hair.

That didn't seem to bother Bubba. He just spit on his hands to wash it off.

Then he started shooting his Star Wars Clone gun just to add a little more noise to the situation.

Meanwhile in the front seat, I was driving through downtown Cincinnati trying to figure out where the heck I was.

Note to self: Never drive downtown with Mapquest directions, and never ever drive downtown when your kid is about to lose his tooth!

Monday, July 19, 2010

Tadpole Catcher

My son truly has a knack for catching critters. Armed with an oversized fishing net, he rounded up no less than 28 bullfrog tadpoles. He plopped them in his little metal bucket and proceeded to hunt the adult bullfrogs. Believe it or not, he actually managed to catch two of them. One was the largest I had ever seen. After he had finished the hunt, he stooped down next to his bucket and proudly gazed at his catch. What a little hunter!

Thursday, July 15, 2010


My son has a new best friend. It's Slimer from the movie Ghostbusters. He has a goofy green Slimer bank that he takes with him everywhere he goes.

Today Slimer went to get his hair cut. Then he went to Dairy Queen for a Buster Bar. (Apparently Slimer likes chocolate.) Then Slimer took part in some big Spy Operation that my kids orchestrated.

After all of that, Slimer was tired.

"Okay, Slimers," my son said. "Time for a nap." He put some pajamas on that little green bank, and covered him up with some blankets.

(I couldn't help thinking that my little guy might actually be a good father someday!)

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

Reaching for the Clouds

This morning when we awoke, there was a heavy fog. My kids were delighted.

"Look, the clouds have come down!" they exclaimed.

My son, of course, wanted to touch the clouds. So he went outside in his pajamas to get up-close-and-personal with the big precipitation puffs.

"Mom, what's wrong with these things?" he asked. "They can't hold up a towel."

"Nope," I said. "They can't even hold up a raindrop."

He looked at me like I was crazy. "But mom, I thought the angels sat up there!"

I smiled. "Well, then," I said, "I guess angels must be really light."

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

Hot Feet

I came downstairs today to find my son running around the kitchen with oven mitts on his feet.

"Why are you wearing oven mitts on you feet?" I queried.

"I have blazing hot feet from running around, and I don't want the kitchen floor to catch on fire." was his response.

Of course.

Monday, July 12, 2010

The Dog and the Chicken

This aftenoon two very strange creatures came through my front door. One was barking and panting like a dog, and the other was clucking and flapping his wings like a chicken. Guess who they were? Yep, my offspring. (Does this mean I'm a chicken or a dog?)

They had finally come home after a three-day vacation at grandma and grandpa's house. They were thrilled to be home! As expected, it took exactly three seconds for them to clutter the house. The house was also no longer quiet. It was utter mayhem and chaos.

Soon after he arrived, my son whipped of his shirt and handed it to me. "Here mom, wash this. It has boogers on it."

Then he added, "Will you blow my nose?"

"I'm happy that you are home," I replied, "but you can blow your own nose!"

Ahhh, the joys of motherhood!

Sunday, July 11, 2010

Last Day

Even though I have missed my kids (they've been at Grandma and Grandpa's house), I have really enjoyed the quiet, mess-free house. I have also gotten a lot done! I think every mom needs a break now and then.

The kids will be home tomorrow, and I'm sure that will mean the usual chaos and mayhem. I'm going to enjoy the last day before the mess-making resumes.

Saturday, July 10, 2010

Missing Mommy

It's day two of being kid-less, and I'm afraid my son still isn't taking it well.

He announced to his grandparents that he wanted a map, and that he was going to walk home. (He would have to walk from Cleveland to Cincinnati to accomplish that feat.) They gave him a map and he started walking. He made it half-way down their driveway.

At bedtime, I called him, as I promised I would. He insisted that I read him a bedtime story. So I did. I think he felt better after that. One more day to go - will he survive?

Friday, July 9, 2010

Home Sick

Today the grandparents came and took the kids. My poor little son definitely did not want to go. He pleaded with me to stay home. Finally, he sat in the back seat of their car with tears pouring down his face. It was just heartbreaking.

"Call me seventy-seven times every day!" he implored. (He's going to be gone three days.)

"All right," I said.

After a four hour car ride to Grandma and Grandpa's house, he called. "I want to come home. Come and get me!"

Throughout the day, I had several more phone calls like that.

"Tell your sister to give you a great big hug," I said.

It's now 9:30 PM, and I haven't gotten any more phone calls. Hopefully big sister's hug did the trick.

Thursday, July 8, 2010

Wading in the River

It was a hot day in Cincinnati today. The thermometer read close to 100 degrees. It was a perfect day to be inside in the air conditioning. That's what normal people would do. My kids and I are not normal. We spent most of the day outside.

After spending a considerable amount of time in the neighborhood pool, we decided to go to the river. The kids had a great time wading in the water and finding fossils. My son had such a good time, that he announced he wasn't going to leave.

"I'm going to walk all the way to the Mississippi River."

"Uh-huh," I said. "Good luck with that!"

Wednesday, July 7, 2010

The Many uses of a Bendy Straw

Last night in the bathtub, my five-year-old son had a strange request.

"Mom, please get me a bendy straw."


"You'll see."

I got the boy a straw. He promptly bent it, stuck his face in the water, and started snorkling.

I bet you didn't know that bendy straws make good snorkles!

Tuesday, July 6, 2010

Growley Bear

I bet you are thinking that the title refers to me, or one of my kids. Not this time. It actually refers to my son's new teddy bear. We went to Build a Bear Workshop for a special birthday treat. My little guy informed me beforehand that he wanted a Star Wars bear.

When we got to the store, he picked out a nice green camouflage bear. Then it was time to choose a sound for the bear. There were several choices. I personally liked the "I love you" one. What did he choose? The roaring dinosaur one of course. Then he picked out a Star Wars Clone outfit for the bear. The mask completely covered the bear's cute little face.

By the time he was done, he had created one scarey bear.

"What are you going to name him?" I asked.

"Captain Rex!"

I guess that was appropriate for a growley- dinosaur- space- creature bear.

Monday, July 5, 2010

Asleep at the Wheel

My husband and son have a weekly thing where they get on the John Deere tractor and mow the lawn. My son usually sits on my husband's lap with his ear protection on, grinning from ear to ear. Today when I looked out the window, I saw my little guy on the big daddy's lap, but he wasn't grinning from ear to ear. He was asleep at the wheel, drooling all over his daddy's arm. It must've been the late night fireworks that tuckered him out.

Let's hope he doesn't do that when he's sixteen and driving a car!

Saturday, July 3, 2010

Mr. Fix It

My husband enjoys tinkering on his motorcycle. Nearly every evening you can find him in the garage taking something apart and working on it. This evening, my five-year-old son decided to do a little tinkering himself. He pulled out his bicycle, a few screwdrivers, and sat down to work on his bike. A little while later, he had taken his training wheels off. He was so proud of himself. Unfortunately he wasn't as good at putting the wheels back on. Guess who had to do that!

Friday, July 2, 2010


Here is another story from the "road trip." This one took place on the Mississippi River. It was a warm July day. The mayflies were swarming all along the banks of the Mississippi River. You couldn't even open your mouth without one trying to fly inside. My five-year-old son thought it was great, and even tried to eat one. My eight-year-old daughter - well, that was another story.

Anyway, my mother, step father, two kids, and I decided to take a tour of the Mississippi River on board the "Channel Cat." We boarded the little boat and took our seats. Of course the mayflies boarded too. The kids and I took a seat in the back of the boat. My mom and step father sat in front.

A bunch of teenage girls also boarded. They were not pleased with the mayfly situation. They squealed and swatted the little insects. My stepfather commented that society had raised a bunch of wimps.

Upon hearing that remark, my son got a little twinkle in his eye; the one that says, "I'm definitely up to something." He picked up one of those little mayflies and put it right on the back of my step father's neck. You should have seen that guy jump!

Thursday, July 1, 2010

Road Trip

I've been on the road these last few days (which is why there haven't been any posts, in case you're wondering). I drove with my children to Iowa to visit my mom. I have lots of stories to share from this trip, but in this post, I'm going to share the "bubble gum" incident.

We had been driving approximately seven hours. My kids were getting very antsy! (There are only so many I-spy games one can play.) My five-year-old son decided that he wanted some gum. My daughter, who is supposed to be responsible, gave him some. He promptly lost it. A little while later he fell asleep. The gum had not been located. I knew this was going to be big trouble.

When he awoke, he made this announcement: "Mom, I need to change my shirt."

"Why?" I asked.

"It's dirty."

"Hmmm," I thought.

We stopped at the next exit and pulled into a gas station.

I looked at his shirt and didn't see anything wrong with it.

We made our way to the restroom. That's when I saw it. The boy had melted gum smeared all over his armpit. There I was, loaded with wads of wet paper towels, scraping off gum from the little man's armpit, shirt, and tummy.

All I could think was, "Why me?"