Mama Diaries

Thursday, May 31, 2012

Brownies, Please!

On Saturday, I'll be having a student recital for everyone I teach. Afterwards, there will be a reception. This means that I have a lot of baking to do, because I have about forty students. Yesterday I made my world-famous chocolate chip cookies - the ones I make at Christmas that my husband eats before Christmas, so that I have to make a new batch. Yeah, those. Of course he wanted to eat the whole batch. He complained loudly about his allotment of only two cookies. Today, I made brownies. About four neighborhood kids wandered into my house while I was making them. They must've smelled the scent of brownies wafting through the open window. I pulled them out of the oven and put them on a board to cool off. "Can we have some?" my daughter asked. "No," I said. "They're for the recital." One by one, the neighborhood kids came over to where the cooling brownies were. "Can we have some?" they asked. "No," I said again. Then my husband came into the room - Mister Sweet Tooth himself. "Are they ready yet?" "No." "How about now?" "No." "Now?" "No." Then he started with the chant: "Brownies!...brownies!... brownies!" All the kids joined in. The house was full of brownie chanters. "All right!" I shouted. "You can have a brownie!" "Yay!" I guess I had better go bake some more!

Wednesday, May 30, 2012

Last Day of School

Today was the last day of school. You'd think my kids would be thrilled about that. Nope. It was a very sad day for my offspring. They came off of the bus with some seriously sad faces. "Mama, it was the worst last day ever," my daughter said. "Well, I'm sorry to hear that. Why do you think that?" "My best friend is moving, and I didn't even get to say goodbye to her." "Oh, that's bad," I said. "Can you call her or email?" "No. She's in a hotel now." Major bummer. "And do you know what else?" she added. "What else?" "Two of my favorite teachers are retiring." Another major bummer. I guess there were lots of tears today. Even my son was sad because some of his friends were moving. Who would've thought that the last day of school could be so traumatic?

Tuesday, May 29, 2012

Potato Chip Muncher

I had left a bag of potato chips on the kitchen table. They were supposed to be for the party. Well, I stepped out of the room for two minutes. Guess who decided he wanted a snack? My big old German Shepherd. That's who. When I came back, that stupid dog had his big old snoot in the potato chip bag. "Schultz!" I yelled. "What are you doing?" He took his snoot out of the bag and finished chomping a potato chip. He gave me a look like, What do you think I'm doing? I grabbed that bag and looked inside. The chips were almost all gone. "You stupid varmint. Now there's none for the party!" He looked at me and burped. And then do you know what he did? He threw up! I kid you not. All over my nice carpet. "Serves you right, dummy," I said. "But you could've at least vomitted outside." Ugh. That dog!

Monday, May 28, 2012


Apparently there's a little game of tag going on in the blogosphere. I'm it. Thanks, Larissa T, from Papa is a Preacher for tagging me! Now, there are some rules to this game, but since I'm the Mama, I'm going to change them. Ha! The real rules are that I'm supposed to tell you 11 things about myself. Then I'm supposed to answer 11 questions I was asked. And then I'm supposed to make up 11 more questions and tag 11 bloggers to answer them. That sounds like way too much work, especially since I'm preparing for that surprise party which may happen at any moment. So, I'm just going to answer the questions I was asked, and then I'll tag however many bloggers I feel like tagging. Here goes: 1. Favorite Book? Tuesdays with Morray by Mitch Album. I haven't read it in a long time, but I remember thinking it was such a poignant story with a great message about what's really important in life. 2. Favorite color? Red. 3. Sweet/salty food? Sweet. Truthfully, though I prefer a combination. Chocolate covered pretzels are awesome. Which reminds me, I have to get that chocolate fountain out for the party. 4. Gift someone gave me that I'll always remember? My dad gave me an old antique doll for my fortieth birthday. It was just so sweet to think that I'm still daddy's little girl. 5. What is my favorite blog post? The one where my big old German Shepherd jumped into the bathtub with my unsuspecting son. (I tried to find the link, but didn't have luck. It's probably in an early 2011 archive or late 2010 archive. I just don't have time to look anymore.) 6. What annoys me? Slow drivers in the fast lane. And let me tell you, we have a lot of them in Cincinnati! (These run-on paragraphs from Blogger annoy me, too. Sorry if they're annoying you!) 7. Truth or dare (depends is not an option)? Hmmm. I'll go with truth, because my mom always taught me that I should be honest. 8. Did I collect anything as a kid? Yes. My parents introduced me to stamp collecting, but I'd have to say my real interest was in collecting rocks and seashells. I lived in Florida at the time, so I had quite a collection! 9. Bath or shower? Shower. I really don't like sitting in dirty water. 10. Would you ever use gel pens? Sparkly ones? Heck yeah! They make writing fun! 11. What makes you happy? Flowers, beautiful sunsets, quiet woods, babbling brooks - anything beautiful in nature...and meeting my writing deadlines! Now for the tagged bloggers. (If you get tagged, you can follow the real rules and use the same questions I answered, or do your own thing. I won't ground you if you decide to do that latter.) 1. Jabblog 2. Visions of Other Worlds 3. L. G. Smith 4. Brenda McKenna 5. Simon Willis 6. Tamara Narayan 7. Annmarie Pipa Be sure to stop by and visit these bloggers.

Sunday, May 27, 2012

Mama the Tank

"Mama," my son said. "You're a tank." "Excuse me?" I said. I'm a rather petite individual, so I'm not exactly accustomed to being called a tank. And since I happened to be in the pool wearing a bathing suit, I wasn't too thrilled with that description. "Explain yourself." The boy crawled on my back. "You're a centaur tank. We're doing a military maneuver." He brandished his water gun and started spraying into the air. Oh. That made sense. So I played along with his little game, plowing over waves, reaking havock in the pool. Then the boy spotted my husband, who is considerably bigger than me. He hopped off my back and relocated on my husband's back. "Sorry, Mama," he said. "I need a bigger tank!"

Saturday, May 26, 2012

Trouble in the Pet Shop

There seems to be a little trouble in my son's outdoor pet shop. Actually, there seems to be a little trouble regarding outdoor pets around here. It started when my son's friend came to the door, looking all distraught. "Did Bubba steal my turtle?" Huh? "I don't think so," I said. "Let me check." I went into the woods to see if my son had a turtle in his "pet shop" tank. He didn't. I asked him about the turtle. "Do you know anything about your buddy's missing turtle?" "No," he said. "I just saw it when I was over there. It was in a little container." Then he added, "Mama, my pet tadpoles are gone!" Uh oh. Sure enough, the tank was empty. Something a little fishy is going on here. I think we better keep an eye out for a possible critter thief!

Friday, May 25, 2012

Surprise Party

"Mama," my daughter said. "Do you know my friend who is moving? We're going to have a surprise party for her." "That's nice," I replied. "When are you having it?" "Monday." "Where's is going to be?" She got quiet. "Well, my other friend was going to have it at her house, but the friend who's moving found out about it, so now we're having it here." "What?" I said. I wasn't exactly prepared for hosting a party. "Yeah. Here's a list of things we will need." She handed me a piece of paper with everthing she wanted, including chocolate for a chocolate fountain. "Um, okay," I said. "What time is this party going to be?" "I don't know," she said. "You'll just have to be ready." Great. (Why do I have a feeling this surprise party was more of a surprise to me than to anyone else?) Wish me luck on this. I'm going to need it! (Oh yeah, and she said every girl in her class was coming. That's about 15 girls. Oy!)

Thursday, May 24, 2012

Spider in My Hair

Wasn't I just commenting on how I needed a haircut? Well, apparently a little critter decided to take up residence in my long tresses. I was cleaning the bathroom sink, when I happened to glance down at some strands of hair that were hanging over my shoulder. I had to take a second look, because what I saw was small and brown, and it had legs. Then it started scurrying up a piece of hair, like it was a web, or something. It was an itsy bitsy spider, the same color as my hair! "Aghhh!" I yelled. I quickly brushed that thing out of my hair and into the sink. Then I turned on the water, and flushed it down the drain (please don't call the animal protective agency to report me. It was self defense - I swear!) I'm thinking that little guy must've hitched a ride when I was outside weeding. My hair must've looked like the perfect camoflauge. So tomorrow, I'm getting a haircut. Hopefully there are no spider brothers and sisters hiding out in my hair . I don't need any more pets!

Wednesday, May 23, 2012

Guest Blogging Today

Hey everybody, I'm over at Dawn's blog, Since You Asked, sharing a story about another one of my Mama mess-ups. Come on over and read all about it!

Tuesday, May 22, 2012

Home Away from Home

My son was a little upset with me today, because I refused to get a red-eared slider turtle for him. "I'm never going to forgive you for missing my poetry reading!" he announced. (Yes, he still is throwing that in my face.) "I'm going to go to my other home, since you're not being very nice." "Okay," I said. "Just be sure to come back in time for dinner." "Hmph," he said. And off he went. I figured he needed to blow off a little steam, so I let him go. About fifteen minutes later, I went out to check on him. I knew just where his other home was. I followed the path in the woods. It went over the creek and through a "jungle" with vines. Finally I arrived at the spot: an abandoned playset in the woods. "Hi, Mom," he said. "I like your home," I said. "So, is this where you live?" "Yeah, except it doesn't have a refrigerator." "Hmmm," I said. "That could be a problem if you get hungry." Then I looked at the sky. Dark clouds were gathering. "What are you going to do when the storm comes?" "Hmmm," he said. "That could be a problem." He was quiet a moment. "I think I'm done at this home. I'll go to my other home now." "Okay," I said. So over the river, and through the woods we went, hand in hand - back home."

Monday, May 21, 2012

One Lovely Blog Award

I am just so amazed by how many awards are floating around out there. Another one landed at my pad. It's the One Lovely Blog Award. Thanks, Jenni Steel for giving me this lovely award! Be sure to visit her blog. According to the rules, I'm supposed to list seven random facts about myself. This might be a little challenging, since you already know a lot about me. But, I'll try anyway. Here we go: 1. I'm a freeze baby. Yep. I hate the cold. And I'm one of those nutcases who can still be quite comfortable wearing jeans and a long sleeved shirt when it's eighty degrees outside. 2. Supposedly, I have an IQ of 141 (measured when I was ten). Does that make me smart, or stupid, or doesn't it matter? (I reckon I've probably lost a few points anyway, since I'm getting so old!) 3. I slept only 0-4 hours per night for 4 years when my kids were babies. Believe me, I wasn't too thrilled about it. The good news, is that it inspired me to write my first book, That Baby Woke Me Up, AGAIN! So began my career as an author. 4. My second book, That Mama is a Grouch, was inspired after I broke a toe, tripping on my kid's toys. 5. I haven't had a haircut in about 8 months, which means my hair is considerably longer than in my picture. Hmmm. I better do something about that, or I'll be looking like a mountain woman soon. 6. I'm very near-sighted. My prescription is -7.5 in both eyes. (Aren't you glad I told you that?) 7. My favorite popsicle flavor is grape. Were those random enough? Now I have to pass this award on to seven more lovely bloggers. Be sure to stop by and visit them. 1. Zantippy Skiphop 2. Elysabeth42 3. J. L. Campbell 4. Liz Fichera 5. Elizabeth Twist 6. jdracecar 7. Laura Josephsen Again, I'm sorry about the run-on paragraph. Maybe someday Blogger will fix the problem!

Sunday, May 20, 2012

Smashing Chairs

The dog was at it again. First thing this morning, he busted a chair. How did he do that? Well, let me tell you. I took the hairy ginormous German Shepherd outside to go potty. I had him on a leash. As he walked across our patio, his leash somehow got tangled around the arm of one of our wrought-iron patio chairs. The chair scraped across the cement patio, making a horrendous sound. This spooked the dog. He took off like a bat out of hell, dragging the chair behind him. It didn't go so well for the chair, because in the process, one of its legs snapped off. Can you believe it? This patio set, which was only about a month old, and cost over $1000.00, snapped because that stupid dog freaked. "Schultz, stop!" I commanded. He stopped. "Look what you just did," I said holding up the broken leg. Schultz knew he was in trouble. He lowered his head. "Get in the house, dog." I swear, that dog is more trouble than he's worth! (Just so you know, I was easy on the dog. I know it was just an accident, so he didn't get punished. This time.)

Friday, May 18, 2012

Bad Mama

Today was my son's poetry reading session in his first grade classroom. Parents were invited to come and listen. And of course you know who forgot. I could blame it on my husband, because he asked me to come out to lunch with him at that time. But the truth is, I would've totally forgotten about it anyway. I'm just trying to juggle too many things at once. So the young man came home very upset. "Mama," he said. "You forgot about my poetry thing." After that little bit of news hit me, I apologized profusely. "I'm sorry! I totally forgot. How did it go?" "It was fine, but now you owe me something special." Uh oh. I couldn't wait to hear what that something special would be. "You either owe me a pet red-eared slider turtle, or a Nintendo DSL." Geez! "How about something else? Those are a little out of my acceptable range." "Nope. A red-eared slider or Nintendo DSL. Otherwise I'm never going to forgive you." I guess I'm doomed.

Thursday, May 17, 2012

Blocked Toilet

Didn't I just get a new five-star toilet for Mother's Day? Wasn't it supposed to end my daily plungings? Well, it didn't work! "Mama," my son called from the upstairs bathroom. "I blocked the toilet!" "Seriously?" I asked. That just couldn't be. I went upstairs to have a look. Yep. It was blocked. I sighed and went to get the shovel. The bad news about that toilet is that it's deeper than the previous one, which makes it harder not to get wet when you're digging (I know, such a pretty picture!). The good news, is that it plunges much easier. I told my husband that the five-star toilet was overrated. It couldn't handle my son's six-star dumps. He just laughed and said, "Happy Mother's Day!" Ha Ha. Next time he's doing the digging!

Wednesday, May 16, 2012

Snacking on Stakes

Yes, I did spell that right. It's stakes. Not steaks. Who do you think might be snacking on stakes? Yep. You guessed it. My big old German Shepherd, Schultz. Today I planted my tomatoes and put in the stakes. The thought went through my head that my dumb dog would probably destroy those things, but I hoped I was wrong. Perhaps the fence around the garden would deter the hairy beast. No such luck. I let the dog out when I was done, and went about my business. Later, when I went out to pick up my kids from school, I noticed that something wasn't quite right. One of the tomato stakes was lopsided and in pieces. I walked over to take a closer look. Sure enough, that stupid dog had reached over the fence and grabbed a stake with his big teeth. That thing was bent and broken and riddled with teeth marks. I went in the house with the busted stake. "Schultz!" I bellowed. He cocked his head and looked at me. "Listen, dufus. This is a stake. Not a steak. No eating stakes!" He cocked his head the other way. He didn't get it. Apparently he needs to go to school to learn about homonyms.

Tuesday, May 15, 2012

Muddy Mama

It was only a matter of time before I got involved with the mud scene around my house. Today was the day. "Mama," my son said. "Can you help me move the tadpole tank to a different place in the woods?" "Why?" I asked. "I'd just like it closer to our fence so I don't have to cross the creek." I agreed to move the tank. But I knew it was going to be a ridiculous job when I got a look at the muddy mess that was in the woods. At first I thought I could just lift the tank, water and all, and relocate it. But I guess even this wonder woman can't lift a full ten gallon glass tank. So I emptied half of the water. My son put the tadpoles and the frog into a five gallon bucket. I lifted that muddy tank and attempted to cross the creek. Big mistake. That thing was still pretty heavy, and as I tried to cross, my feet sank into the mud. When I tripped on a rock in the creek, it was all over. That tank hit the ground and splintered. Water gushed out. I was covered in mud. My tennis shoes were soaked. And I was supposed to teach violin lessons in ten minutes. I hauled myself and the tank out of the creek. I dumped out the rest of the water and hauled the busted tank to the garbage bin. Just then my student arrived. She looked at me kind of funny. "One minute," I said. "Let me go change!" I looked in the mirror and laughed. I looked like a real swamp thing. I'm surprised my student stuck around for lessons!

Monday, May 14, 2012

Avengers Space Ship

First of all, I hope that all of you moms out there had a wonderful Mother's Day. I did...after I helped haul the toilet upstairs and install it. If you missed the last post, my wonderful husband got me a toilet for Mother's Day. Fortunately for him, he also got me a very nice gift certificate for a spa. He must've known that my nails would need a major fixing after the toilet installation. Anyway, my family and I went to the movies and saw The Avengers. Very cool movie, if you like action packed films with lots of things blowing up. My son thought that was great. So, when we got home, he took the toilet box and made an Avengers rocket ship. You should have seen the control panels on this thing. It was impressive! "What do you think, Mama?" he asked, sitting in the cockpit. "I think that thing is pretty awesome!" I said. He played in that thing a while, and then found some more cardboard to work with. Soon had had constructed a playhouse. Now all of his contraptions are sitting on his bedroom floor. There's hardly room to walk around. Maybe I should call Captain America to help him tidy up.

Saturday, May 12, 2012

A Present for Mama

Tommorrow is Mother's Day. That means that lots of husbands and kids are frantically searching for presents for mom. It's no exception in my family. Today my daughter asked if I would take her to the mall to go shopping for the occasion. We went, and she picked out something nice from the Vera Bradley store (with her own money, I might add). Then there's my husband. "Woman," he said. "Why don't you go look in the back of my truck to see what I got you for Mother's Day." "Okay," I said. I walked outside and looked. What do you think I saw? A toilet. I kid you not. That man got me a toilet for Mother's Day. I had been complaining about having to unclog the toilet every time my son used it. Apparently my husband thought he'd help me out with that little problem. Thanks, honey. I appreciate your thoughtfulness. It's what I always wanted. Just please don't make me install that thing!

Friday, May 11, 2012

Beans for the Teacher

"Mama," my seven-year-old son said. "We need to do something for my teacher." "Why is that?" I asked. "She's having trouble with the furniture." Huh? I asked the little guy to explain himself. "She keeps bumping into the desks. The other day she broke her toe when she whacked it on one." Ouch. I bet that hurt. He continued. "Then another kid in my class sat on a chair. Except the leg of it was on my teacher's foot." "The broken one?" I asked. "No. The other one." Not good. "So what do you want to do for her?" I asked. "Plant a flower and give it to her." I thought that was a very nice thought. "Okay," I said. "I'll get a flower tomorrow and then you can plant it in a pot." "No, Mama. I want to give it to her tomorrow." Well that tomorrow was today. As we scrambled to the car to head to the bus stop, my son stopped. "We have to make the flower!" "No," I said. "It's time for school." He didn't listen. He found a pot in the garage and a bag of dirt. He put his little hand in the bag and scooped out handfuls of dirt. "Mama, where are the flowers?" "We don't have flowers, Bubba." I looked through my seed packets. "Here are some beans," I said. He planted those things and we marched to the bus stop dirty hands and all. After school, he hopped off the bus, grinning from ear to ear. "My teacher thought the beans were great! She can't wait 'til they sprout!" All I can say is, that is one nice lady!

Thursday, May 10, 2012

Extra-special Water Gun

It happened again. My son had a bath and came up with something outrageous. I don't know what it is about him and bathtime. The water must get his creative juices flowing. Anyway, he came out of the bathroom grinning from ear to ear. You know what that means. He was definitely up to something. "Okay," I said. "What did you do this time?" He whipped out an object from behind his back. "I made this." I looked at that thing. It was a Johnson's Baby Shampoo bottle. And it was filled with water. "Yeah, so?" I said. "So it's a super-soaker-extra-special water gun." "It is?" I just didn't get it. "Yeah, look. Here's how it works: You aim the gun at someone, then whap the bottle really hard. The cap goes flying off, and the person gets soaked. Do you want to see how it works?" "Um, no thank you," I said. "Please keep your extra special water gun in the bathroom. It's a very dangerous weapon!"

Wednesday, May 9, 2012

All-school Sing

Today, my childrens' school had an all-school sing. I was invited to attend, because I volunteer in the classrooms. I took my seat in the the auditeria and watched as 600 little people filed in to the room. Then the show began. Each grade went up on the stage and sang a folk song while the rest of their classmates and parents watched. Of course between numbers, the kids started making a lot of noise. The music teacher did the magic clap hands trick, and everybody shut up. It was actually kind of amazing to see. Finally, near the end, a kid got up on stage and announced that there would be an all-school dance. Six hundred kids dancing? No way! He asked the students to mind their manners and dance "properly." Whatever that meant. The song came on. It was the popcorn dance. Right foot heel. Left foot heel. Right hand in the air. Left hand in the air. Hop to the side. All the way around this went, until their final position was a squat. They all made a sizzle sound and then...POP! They all jumped up. Six hundred popcorn kernels. It was hilarious! (And yes, they all danced "properly.")

Tuesday, May 8, 2012

Yellow Day

It's teacher appreciation week at my kids' elementary school. To celebrate, the students were asked to wear a certain color for each day. Today's color was yellow. My son rummaged through his clothes, trying to find something yellow. The closest he could find was a neon green tie-dyed shirt. "This will have to do," he said. As we walked out the door to go to the bus stop, I glanced down at his arm. It was covered in yellow marker. "Seriously?" I said. "Yeah," he replied. "Since I didn't have yellow clothes, I decided the next best thing was to make my skin yellow." Hmmm. I have to hand it to him - that was some seriously creative thinking!

Monday, May 7, 2012

Kreativ Blogger Award

I would like to thank Dana from The Daily Dose for bestowing the Kreativ Blogger Award on me. Be sure to check out her blog filled with great stories about "mothering, writing, and life." Again, I apologize for the run-on paragraph. The issue with blogger still has not been resolved, but hopefully you will have no problem reading this. According to the rules, I have to list ten little-known things about myself. To spice it up, I'm going to borrow Dana's idea and throw in one fake fact. See if you can spot it. I'll let you know what it is at the end. Here we go: 1. When I was a kid, I almost drowned in our swimming pool. Fortunately my dad saw me and pulled me out in time. 2. One night, in Germany, my friend and I stayed out a little too late, and the hotel locked the doors. We had to crawl in through a window. 3. Another time, in Germany, my friend and I were walking through a train tunnel. We thought it was abandoned. Then we heard a rumble. We figured we'd better get out of there. Two minutes later, the train came through. 4. I'm allergic to pine trees. 5. I have visited all fifty states. 6. I have gone SCUBA diving with sharks. 7. I rode a camel in Israel. 8. I wrote music for a movie. 9. I hate the sound of nails scratching against a chalk board. 10. When I was a kid, I wanted to be an opera singer. Now I'm going to pass the award on to six new friends I made through the A-Z blog challenge: 1. Cassie Mae 2. Amber Sylvia Worsley 3. Alisia 4. Clare 5. Greg Hamblin 6. Elizabeth Twist Be sure to stop by and visit them. Did you figure out which one was fake? It's number 5. I have not visited all fifty states. But I intend to do so!

Sunday, May 6, 2012

Playing Basketball with the Pooch

Have you ever played basketball with a goofy German Shepherd? I have. Let me tell you about it. My family and I went to the park today. There are basketball courts there, so we decided to bring a basketball and shoot some hoops. My husband insisted on bringing the dog, because he "needed to be aired out." I thought the dog would sit on the grass in the shade. It was eighty degrees outside and very humid. If I was a dog, that's what I would do. But no. The dog saw a ball. And a shadow. Oh boy! I bounced the ball and aimed for a shot. The dog charged. "Schultz! What are you doing?" I yelled. What he was doing was chasing the ball's shadow. It was ridiculous. Every time the ball bounced, he was on that shadow. My husband decided to dribble the ball down the court. That dumb dog was right there at his side, trying to get the shadow. Then my husband made a layup. The ball came down and bonked the beast on the head. It didn't faze him one bit. He just kept chasing the shadow. We did this for about thirty minutes. Finally, the dog was so exhausted and hot, that we knew we had to stop or he'd die of a heat stroke. So we dragged the furry beast home with his big pink tongue that was literally dragging on the ground. As soon as he got home, he drank a ton of water and plopped himself down on top of the air conditioning vent. What a nut case!

Saturday, May 5, 2012

Face-licking Good

We had barbecue chicken for dinner this evening. You know how messy that can be. Of course my seven-year-old son had barbecue sauce all over his face when he was done. "Bubba, you need to get a napkin and clean yourself up, " I said. "Okay," he said. He got a napkin and did a little wipe of his hands. "Dude, that's not enough," I said. "I know," he said. "I'm not finished." Then he stuck out his little pink tongue and licked all around his mouth as far as it could go. "What are you doing?" I asked. "This stuff is so good, I just can't waste it," he said. "So I'm licking it off." Of course.

Friday, May 4, 2012

Mud Man

My son came into the house while I was teaching violin lessons, completely covered from head to toe in mud. I could barely even see his face. "Buddy," I said. "You seriously need to go take a bath!" He grinned and made his way to the bathtub. A little while later he came back down. "Are you clean?" I asked. "Yep," he said. "Let me look at you," I said. I had a feeling that I'd find some mud still caked on. Sure enough, I was right. There was some plastered on the side of his head. "Back to the bathtub!' I said. "Aww, Mama," he said. "Do I have to? Mud makes me happy!"

Thursday, May 3, 2012

Outdoor Pet Shop

By now, you all know my kids have this thing for collecting animals. They have so many of them, that they decided to open a pet shop. This pet shop is located in the woods behind our house. They have two tanks set up. One has two frogs and 3 tadpoles. The other has a painted turtle (new acquisition). They also made a coral for a box turtle (the same one that my dog tortured the other day. "Mama," my son said. "We're going to sell these things." I looked at him funny. "How could you do that? These are wild animals, and they should be put back in their natural habitat." "But somebody wants to buy the painted turtle for forty bucks." "You're not selling the turtle for any amount of money!" "But, Mom!" "No buts." On second thought, maybe I should show them the garter snake I discovered living in my strawberry patch. It might be nice to get rid of that thing! (And the northern water snake that lives nearby!)

Wednesday, May 2, 2012

Broken Treasure

My son came running into the house quite distraught. "Mama, my favorite dish is broken!" "What?" I said. I looked at a fragment he held in his hand. It was split in two. "But that's not even a whole dish. Where did you get it?" "I dug it out of the creek," he said. "It's the very first thing I ever found there. It's my special treasure. Can you glue it?" I took the dish piece from him and examined it. "All right. Let me get some super glue." I super glued that thing together so that it was as good as new. (Sort of.) "There you go, big guy," I said, handing him the dish. You should have seen him grinning from ear to ear. Mama saved the day!

Tuesday, May 1, 2012

The Contraption

My son loves to come up with unusual creations. Today's was rather interesting. He found a long stick, a rope, and some sort of metal ring thing that was about 18 inches in diameter. He tied the rope to the stick, then attached that to the ring. "What the heck is that?" I asked. "You'll see." A few minutes later, his buddy came by. "Here, hold this," my son said, giving him the stick end. My son put himself in the center of the ring. "I'm a horse," he announced. The two boys ran around the yard. The buddy was the driver, and my son was the horse. After a while, they got tired of that game. The buddy decided to turn it into a fishing pole. He cast the line and caught some imaginary fish. Soon, they dropped that thing and headed off to do whatever boys do. Enter the dog. He got a hold of that contraption in his big mouth and started swinging the stick around. He thrashed this way and that. It was scary. "Oh, I get it Schultz. You think it's a weapon of mass destruction!" Only Schultz would come up with such a thing!