A Brick of Fruit Flies

"Mom," my son said. "Don't pack fruit in my lunch anymore."

This was a puzzling request. "Why?" I asked.

"The school has a fruit fly infestation. They're getting into my locker, trying to get the fruit in my lunch."

"Seriously, dude? Your fruit is sealed in a Ziploc bag, which is zipped up in your lunch box. I hardly think this is creating a problem."

"You have no idea. Every time I open my locker, a wall of fruit flies comes out."

I gave him the Mama look. Like I wan't buying it. "A wall of fruit flies?"

He thought about that and revised his statement. "It's more like a brick. They come out in a perfect rectangular formation."

Right. "Dude, what in the world is in your locker? A rotten fruit collection?"

He denied having such a thing. "Do you want to come to school and check?"

Not really. But I might have to go just to see this brick of fruit flies!
  

Dank Meme Soup

"What?" you're asking. I didn't name it. Bubba did.

Chef Bubba was back in the kitchen working his magic. This little creation involved beef broth and a sweet potato. The boy cooked some spaghetti noodles and dumped them in a pot of beef broth. Then he cut up some celery and carrots and added them to the mix. He seasoned it with pepper, and then added the secret ingredient:  a sweet potato.

Amazingly, the boy peeled the thing. But that was where it stopped. After peeling, Bubba tossed the uncut potato into the pot. He let it simmer for a while and then announced that his soup was ready.

I went over to investigate, and saw this sweet potato rising up like an island in the middle of broth.

"Dude," I said. "What's up with the sweet potato? Aren't you going to cut it?"

He shook his head. "No, Mom. This is Dank Meme soup. You never cut the sweet potato when you make Dank Meme soup!"

So, ladies and gentlemen, remember that. Never cut the sweet potato when you make Dank Meme soup!      

The Fun Monkey

My son has an interesting way of looking at things. Yesterday, he came home from school with this information:

"Mom, most rational people do what they have to do without any problem."

Okay. I wondered where he was going with this.

He continued. "But some people have this thing called a Fun Monkey inside of their head."

"A Fun Monkey?"

"Yes. It opposes all rational thinking and makes the person get sidetracked with fun things that are more interesting than what they're supposed to be doing."

I nodded. "I see. Have you experienced this Fun Monkey in your head?"

"Yes. It's been giving me some problems."

"What kind of problems?"

"Well, there's this other thing called the Karma Monster. Whenever you do what the Fun Monkey wants you to do, the Karma Monster gets you for not doing what you're supposed to be doing."

"So you're saying you got in trouble?"

"Maybe."

I see. So, I guess we all have to learn from Bubba and not listen to the Fun Monkey. Otherwise the Karma Monster is going to get us!