Schultz and the Bumblebee

For those of you who don't know Schultz, he is our 100 pound German Shepherd.  He's also a little crazy.  This morning I took him outside to do his business.  He sniffed around and then stopped at the hydrangea bush.  His tail curled up and he went into full pounce mode.

"Schultz, what are you doing?" I asked.

His furry body was frozen into position.  He didn't move a muscle.  I knew he was stalking something, but I didn't know what.  A mole? A chipmunk?

About ten seconds later, a huge bumblebee emerged from the bush.  Schultz pounced.  And the bee landed right on his nose.  I don't think it stung him, but boy, was he startled!

He sneezed and the bee took off.

"You're lucky that wasn't a yellow jacket, Schultz, or your nose would be the size of a baseball right now!" I said.

He looked at me and sneezed.

Hopefully that'll be the last time he tries pouncing on a bumblebee!

Scan Man

I took my boy to the grocery store today, and of course he started chit-chatting with one of the workers.

"What's in your hand?" he asked.

"A scanner," the lady replied.

"What does it do?"

"It reads bar codes and then makes a beep noise."

"Cool.  Can I try?"

The lady gave Bubba the scanner and showed him what to do.  At first he had a little trouble, but then he got the hang of it. Pretty soon he was making all kinds of beeping sounds.  "This is awesome!  When I grow up I'm going to be a scanner!"

The lady smiled.  "It's fun for about five minutes and then it gets kind of boring."

"No, it doesn't!  I'm going to scan everything in the store!"

He scanned a whole shelf of products.

The lady laughed.  "This is pretty good.  I think I'll just let him do my job and stand here and watch!"

Bubba grinned.  "I'm the Scan Man!"

The To-Do List

My husband came home after being gone for a week.  Like any good wife, I had a list of things for him to do.

I let him put his things down, use the bathroom, and get a quick bite to eat.  And then I started.

"The new printer doesn't seem to be working.  Can you see what's up with that?  Because I really need to print out some manuscripts."

He looked at me.  "Sure.  It needs new software installed.  I'll work on it in a little while."

"Could you put up the new blinds in the bathroom, too?"

"Sure."

"And could you get me the information for the new schools for the kids, so I can register them?"

He nodded  and went to work.

When he finished with the printer, I went online to do my thing.  But it still didn't work.  "Excuse me," I said.  "We need a 25 digit product key to get this thing to work.  Could you find that for me?"

I guess that was the straw that broke the camel's back.  "Woman, leave me alone!"

I grinned.  "Just doing my job!"

RIP Sunshine

Today is a very sad day at my pad.  Our parakeet, Sunshine, died. 

When I went to feed her this morning, I found her on the bottom of her cage without a speck of life.  I knew it was coming, because I could tell she was old and at the end of her days.  But it's always sad to lose a pet.

Bubba didn't take it very well.  He's quite upset. (My daughter isn't home, but I'm sure she's going to be really sad when she finds out.)  "See, Mama, even the sky is crying!"

I looked outside at the pouring rain.  "Yes, Bubba, even the sky is crying.  But I bet where Sunshine's at is full of Sunshine!"

Bubba nodded.  "Yep.  Because Sunshine brings the sun!"

So ladies and gentlemen, whenever it stops raining, my family and I will have a proper burial for Sunshine and lay her to rest in the parakeet cemetery behind our house.

RIP Sunshine!

Pitch Perfect

I took my eight year old son to the field to play a little baseball.  If you remember last time we played, he was the pitcher and I was the batter.  He nearly knocked my head off with one of his wild pitches, so I thought it would be best if I was the pitcher this time.

I threw a pitch.  He hit it - way off into left field.  He ran around all the bases.  "Home run!"  he shouted as I ran to retrieve the ball.

I pitched again (I know - not how the game is supposed to go!). He hit the ball - high into the outfield.  And again he ran around the bases.  "Home run!  Two to nothing!"

This continued until it was 21 to nothing.

"Mom, you're really bad at this game!" he said.

"No, Bubba.  I'm really good.  I'm the perfect pitcher!"




On another note, I'd like to wish all of my American friends, a very Happy Fourth of July!

How Animals Eat Their Food

My eight-year-old boy sat at the dinner table pecking at his veal.  Yes, pecking.

"What are you doing, Bubba?"

"Eating like a chicken."

I raised my eyebrows.  "Why?"

"Because it's fun."

I studied him closely.  "What gave you this idea?"

"You tube."

Of course.

Naturally, I had to investigate.  Here's what I found:

Do those guys seriously have sippy cups?  (That could explain a lot!)

In case you haven't had enough, here's more:

Have a nice day!

What to Do in Case of an Alien Invasion

My eight year old son and I had a very serious conversation today.  Here's how it went:

"Mama, what would you do if aliens invaded?" the boy asked.

I honestly hadn't thought about that, so I took a moment to ponder it.  "I think I'd hide and spy on them. What would you do?"

He crinkled up his face and thought deeply.  "Hmmm.  I could ask them if they wanted to phone home.  But they might not speak English. Or if they seemed mean, I could splash water on them.  I've heard aliens don't like water."

I nodded my head.

"But what I'd probably do is hide in a freezer.  Then they wouldn't be able to use their heat tracking sensors to find me."

Brilliant! 

So what would you do if aliens invaded our planet?