Breathing Clouds

Yesterday afternoon, it was a little foggy.  Make that a lot foggy.  When I walked to the bus stop to get my son, my face was literally wet from the moisture.

The kids getting off the bus, thought it was totally cool to have so much fog.  "We can't even see the grass!" they said.  (You could see the grass, but not very well.)

Of course my son had something else to say.  "Mama, we're breathing clouds!"

The other kids heard him and got nervous.  "Are we going to die?" they asked.

"I hardly think so," I said.  "It's just a lot of water vapor.  Like cold steam.  You'll be just fine."

"But what if the clouds go back up, and the clouds are inside of us? Are we going to float up to the sky?" another kid asked.

"No," I answered.  "You're too heavy.  Gravity will keep you down."

"Yeah," my son said.  "But just in case, you'd better blow out the clouds so they don't turn you into a cloud balloon.  Because then you'd definitely float up to the sky."

Right.  So ladies and gentlemen, if you happen to breathe in a cloud, exhale as quickly as you can,and hold your breath until you reach the safety of a cloud-free zone.  Otherwise you might float away.

Cuteness Venom

My son, Bubba, was terrorizing his sister. Again. All she wanted to do was sit on the sofa and listen to the music on her iPod.  But the boy kept poking her and kicking her feet.

"Bubba, stop it!" she complained.

The boy wouldn't stop.

This called for parental involvement.  "Bubba, why do you feel it is necessary to poke your sister like that?" I asked.

"I'm just giving her some of my cuteness venom," he said.

"Cuteness venom?" I asked.

"Yeah, Mama.  Sisters don't have enough, so it's up to the brothers to give them some.  She'll be much nicer if I poke her a little more!"

Right.

The Tooth Fairy is Fired!

It's official.  The tooth fairy is fired!  My son had lost one of his molars, and he put it in the special pillow for the tooth fairy to take.  In the morning, he came downstairs with this news:

"Mama, the tooth fairy forgot, again!"

Oops.

"So, what should we do about this tooth fairy?" I asked.

"Fire her!" he answered without having to think about it.

I nodded.  "Then who's going to collect the teeth and leave the money?"

"The tooth dinosaur."

(Hmmm.  I wonder how quiet the tooth dinosaur can be!)

The Pizza Project

My daughter had another friend over, and this time the girls wanted to make homemade pizza.  (Are you noticing a trend here?)

I got them some refrigerated pizza dough, pizza sauce, and all the toppings.  "All right girls.  Here you go."

They looked at me with an utterly confused expression on their faces.  "What are we supposed to do?" the friend asked.

"Read the directions," I said, and walked away.

Apparently, their direction-reading wasn't so good.  Because when I came back in, they had all the toppings on the raw pizza dough.

"Uh, ladies," I said.  "Aren't you supposed to pre-cook the pizza dough?"

"Where does it say that?" my daughter asked.

"In the directions."

"Oh."

The girls looked at each other.  "Now what do we do?" they asked.

"Well," I said. "You have two choices:  You can take all the toppings off, and start over, this time following the directions, or you can cook it for the first eight minutes at high heat so hopefully the crust will cook, and then lower the heat for another six minutes so you don't burn the cheese."

"We'll do the second way," the friend said.  "Reading directions is way too hard!"  

The Smoothy Challenge

My teenage daughter had one of her friends over, and for their entertainment, they participated in the Smoothy Challenge.  I found the two in the kitchen with the blender and an assortment of items:  Tomatoes, peanut butter, pepperoni, lime juice, Parmesan cheese, and yogurt.

"You're not seriously thinking about mixing all of that together, are you?" I asked.

My daughter grinned.  "Yeah, we are.  We're doing the Smoothy Challenge.  We're going to mix it together, and then drink it."

"Are you crazy?  You're going to make yourselves sick!"

They shrugged and proceeded to dump it all in the blender.  When they were done mixing it, they had a thoroughly disgusting brownish concoction.  They poured it in glasses and took a sip. (All while filming it.)

Apparently it wasn't good, because they both contorted their faces and promptly spit it out.

"That tasted like vomit!" the friend said.  "I think I'm going to die!"

"Mmm," I said.  "Should I call an ambulance?"

They laughed.

I walked over to where the bottle of lime juice was sitting and picked it up.  "Interesting.  This stuff expired last May."

They turned a sickly shade of green.

(Maybe I should've called the ambulance!)
    

25 Roses Blog Tour

My blog friend, Stephanie Faris, has a new book out.  Here's the scoop on it: 

Blurb:

Mia moves from the shadows to the spotlight when her matchmaking plans go awry in this contemporary M!X novel from the author of 30 Days of No Gossip.

Mia is used to feeling overlooked: her perfect older sister gets all the attention at home, and the popular clique at school are basically experts at ignoring her. So when it’s time for the annual Student Council chocolate rose sale, Mia is prepared to feel even worse. Because even though anyone can buy and send roses to their crushes and friends, the same (popular) people always end up with roses while everyone else gets left out.


Except a twist of fate puts Mia in charge of selling the roses this year—and that means things are going to change. With a little creativity, Mia makes sure the kids who usually leave empty-handed suddenly find themselves the object of someone’s affection. But her scheme starts to unravel when she realizes that being a secret matchmaker isn’t easy—and neither is being in the spotlight. 

Bio:

Stephanie Faris knew she wanted to be an author from a very young age. In fact, her mother often told her to stop reading so much and go outside and play with the other kids. After graduating from Middle Tennessee State University with a Bachelor of Science in broadcast journalism, she somehow found herself working in information technology. But she never stopped writing.


Stephanie is the author of 30 Days of No Gossip and 25 Roses, both with Aladdin M!x. When she isn’t crafting fiction, she writes for a variety of online websites on the topics of business, technology, and her favorite subject of all—fashion. She lives in Nashville with her husband, a sales executive. 

Links:

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Buy (Amazon)
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A Little Too Loud

I hope all of you enjoyed your New Year festivities.  The humans at my pad did.  Not so sure about the canine.  Poor Schultz, our hundred pound German Shepherd, was a little discombobulated when the fireworks started.  Usually, these things don't bother him.  But this time they did.  He went on full alert, barking at the noise. (He rarely ever barks in the house.)

"Schultz, chill," my husband said.

Schultz wouldn't chill. He kept barking. And let me tell you, a dog that size has a very loud bark!

"All right, dog," I said.  "You're going outside."

We kicked him out.  But that's not where he wanted to be.  He took two steps, and turned around, begging to come inside. It was obvious he was scared of the fireworks.

We opened the door.  He bolted inside and ran downstairs into his crate.  Safe zone! And that's where he stayed until the fireworks finished.