Crashing Through the Road Blocks

Today, I decided to infuse my frog-loving son with some culture.  I took him to a theater to see a production of Annie.  The show was great, but the trip getting there was an epic adventure.

The theater was pretty much in Timbuktu.  It was about an hour away from where I live, in a place that I was completely unfamiliar with.  As luck would have it, our way was blocked.  The sign read:  "Road closed one mile ahead."  A detour sign pointed toward an alternate route.

Okay, I thought.  No problem.  I'll just follow the  signs, and I'm sure I'll figure it out.

Ha!

I followed the signs down one road, and then down another.  Finally, the detour sign pointed down a road that clearly looked like it was closed.  Typical Cincinnati signage.  But I followed it anyway.

"Mama," my son said.  "I don't think you're supposed to go down here."

"Sure I am," I said as I passed by the road baracades. "The sign said I should go this way."

I weaved in and out through orange barrels and pylons, bumping along the dirt road.  Nobody else was on it, so I really didn't care.

"Mama," my son said, sounding real nervous.  "This isn't right.  I don't want to be here."

I looked in the rear view mirror.  "Okay, buddy, I'll turn around."

So I did.  And I double checked to make sure the detour sign was pointing down the road I had just been on.  It was.

I went back to the original road and decided to try my luck going down it.  All was well for about two miles.  Then the barriers were up, and the road became a dirt path.

"Oh good," I said.  "Another off road experience."

I plowed through that thing, hoping to find a side street to turn off.

"Mama!" my son said. "What are you doing?"  

"Going to the theater.  What does it look like I'm doing?"

The poor kid was ready to have a heart attack.

To make a long story short, I did manage to get to the theater by finding a side street and zig zagging through the town.  And I did it with two minutes to spare.  Am I good, or what?

(Note to self:  I need to get a smart phone or GPS system!)    

Old Cheese

Before I tell my story, I have to take care of some unfinished business.  A couple of you asked to see a picture of Evelyn, our new pet tree.  Here she is:

Isn't she pretty?



Now for the story.  This morning, I took our big German Shepherd, Schultz, for a walk.  He likes to sniff around and munch on whatever he may find.  This usually does not amount to much.  Today, however, was a different story.   His big old snoot landed on a pile of white stuff.  Apparently he thought it smelled pretty good because he started munching.

"Schultz, drop it," I said. 

He didn't listen.  He kept munching. 

I listened to the crunching sounds as he chewed whatever he had found.  I couldn't imagine what on earth it was.

Finally, I pulled Schultz away from the pile and inspected it.  Do you know what it was?  Dried string cheese.  Disgusting!

I don't know how he managed to eat that stuff without vomitting, but let me just say, I'm kind of nervous about what's going to come out the other end!         

Tricky Chicken

Today I decided to try something a little different for dinner:  Chicken Kiev.  For those of you who have no idea what this is, it's a chicken breast stuffed with a buttery sauce.

I put the dinner in front of my kids and told them to eat it.  My son cut into it first. Guess what happened?  The sauce squirted right up his nose!

"Mama!" he yelled.  "What the heck?"

My daughter was next.  She cut into it and got a nice squirt on the shirt.  "Mom!  Why do you have to always have these stupid food experiments?  Why can't you just make normal things like macaroni and cheese?"  

"Okay.  I'll make mac and cheese tomorrow - with cauliflower thrown in."

Hee hee. 

A Tree Named Evelyn

"Mom," my daughter said.  "I saved a tree!"

"You saved a tree?"  I asked.  "How did you do that?"

"I put it in a pot."

"That's a good trick," I said.  "Did it fit?"

"Yeah, it's just a baby.  Look."  She walked me over to a pot that was sitting on the kitchen counter.  Inside was a young pine tree.  Under the whole thing was a sign:  Evelyn.

"This is Evelyn the tree?"

"Yeah.  Isn't she cute?  Daddy was going to run her over with the lawnmower, and I saved her life.  Can we keep her?"

"Yes we keep her, but she has to go back outside in the spring."

So now ladies and gentlemen, we have a new pet in the house:  a tree named Evelyn.    

Gifted

My daughter is a typical teenager.  She always has the music cranked up in her room, and when she's not in her room, she has earbuds in her ears listening to iPod music.

This evening, she came downstairs rapping to one of Nicki Minaj's songs.  I couldn't understand a darn word she was saying.  (I probably didn't want to , either.)

"How the heck do you learn that stuff?  It sounds like a bunch of jibberish," I said.

"I learned it all in two hours."

"Two hours?"  I couldn't believe it, because there's no way I could learn it in two hundred years. "You should spend that time on your school work," I said.

"But Mom," she said.  "I is already doing fine in school.  I is gifted."

Yeah, you is!

Let's Go Fly a Kite

"Mama," my eight-year-old son said.  "I'm going to go fly a kite."

"I thought your kite fell apart last year and ended up getting tossed," I replied.

"It did.  I'm going to make a new one."

Okay.  I knew this was going to be interesting.

It was indeed interesting.  I went out to the garage about fifteen minutes later and discovered my son playing with his fishing rod.  At the end of the line was a paper dangled from the hook.

"Do you like my new kite?"

I looked at that thing.  "Does it fly?"

"Yeah, watch."

We went out into the wind.  The paper blew into the air and whipped around, just like a kite.

Impressive!  

Crazy Daisy Award

Tara Tyler stopped by the other day, and gave me a pretty flower.  She must've known how much I like flowers.  Thank you Tara!

For this award, I have to tell you seven weird things about me.  That shouldn't be too hard to do, because you probably already know how crazy I am!

Here we go.  Seven weird things:

1.  My cell phone is 10 years old.  Ancient!  I think I need to get with the program.

2.  I never attended a rock concert until I went to see Taylor Swift two years ago, with my daughter (although I had seen plenty of orchestra concerts).  Truthfully, although Ms. Swift was a fantastic performer, I wouldn't want to go to another concert.  Even with earplugs, it was way too loud, and it hurt my ears!

3.  When I was in college, I used to practice the viola 6-8 hours a day.  Crazy, huh?

4.  I write all my manuscripts by hand before I type them into the computer.

5.  I am allergic to most cats.  Oddly, I am not allergic to my own, although he's a tabby - one I should be allergic to.

6.  I don't like pop/soda, coffee, or beer.

7.  I never thought I'd be an author.

Told you I was crazy.

Now I'm supposed to pass this on.  Let's see.  Who of you out there is crazy?

1.  Junie Junebug  I don't know if she's crazy, but I just love this lady!  She even offered to make me chicken soup when I wasn't feeling good :).  So I just had to give her a daisy!

2.  Pat Hat  This guy is definitely crazy!  (Sorry, Pat, you are!)  But his rhymes are so funny.  Sometimes they're a little off color, (you've been warned), but it never ceases to amaze me the stuff this guy can pull out of his hat.

3.  Crack You Whip  This lady has a great sense of humor.  You have to stop by and read some of her stuff.  ( I don't know if she's still blogging, because her last entry was in August, but you can still get a laugh over some of her previous posts.)

That's all I'm going to list.  If any of you want this award because you're crazy, or because you just like flowers, feel free to grab it.