Christmas Capers

First of all, Merry Christmas! At the time of this writing, it is now late in the evening of December 25th.

Let me tell you about my day. It began with the usual inspection of presents under the tree (which occurred at 1:30 AM). (My kids aren't very good about waiting for the sun to rise, so Santa has to stop at my house before midnight.)

After breakfast, the kids and I made popcorn garland to string on the trees outside. That was fine, until the dog decided that popcorn garland looked mighty tastey. He jumped up, snagged a string, and proceeded to devour it. Of course, we had to grab that from him, because dogs can't digest popcorn. That was fun.

Next project: Making the Gingerbread House. I usually make a "gingerbread house" out of graham crackers and cake frosting. This year something possessed me to buy one of those fancy kits complete with Willy Wonka candy.

I squirted the packet of icing onto the panels of the house and attempted to "glue" them together. That was a good trick, since the icing was a little on the runny side. I finally got the house together. Then it was time to add the details. Here's how that went:

"Mommy, frost the roof."

"Mommy the wall is falling down."

"Mommy the roof is sliding off."

"Mommy add more icing."

"Mommy the front caved in."

"Mommy, the whole house fell down."

Ugh. Sorry kids. Better luck next year. (Note to self: Use cake frosting instead of icing to assemble the house.)

Finally, my son came running into my room.

"Mommy, come quick!"

"What?"

"Look!"

I looked. "What the heck is in your sister's hair?" I said looking at the glob of pink stuff that was plastered in her hair.

"Flarp."

Yeah. Flarp (aka: noisy putty) from Santa. What was Santa thinking?

So I spent the rest of the day getting Flarp out of my daughter's hair.

Cheers!

Cookie Monster Strikes Again

Some of you may be wondering if my husband found the cookies I hid. No he did not. ( I will tell you where I hid them tomorrow, after I make the last cookie tray for my dad.) He did however, find the cookies my students gave me as gifts. I received a dozen mint chocolate chip cookies from one student. I had one. My kids each had one. That left nine in the bag.

This morning the bag was empty, along with the five of my special chocolate chip cookies that I had rationed for him. So let's see, that's fourteen cookies.

Later, he found the cookie tin one of my students had given me. He ate all the chocolate chip cookies out of that one (about five cookies).

My daughter wanted to sample some of those cookies.

"Mom, Daddy ate all the cookies again!" she said, very disappointed.

And you wonder why I had to resort to hiding the cookies!

Edible Cookies?

Today we made Christmas cutout cookies. I rolled out the dough and shaped it. It was my kids' job to decorate them. When I was a kid, I was very neat and artistic. Santa always had eyeballs, and brown boots. I think I may have even added candy buttons on his suit.

My kids definitely don't take after me on the details of cookie decorating. I put out all of the sprinkles and decorations. What did they do? They picked only the green sprinkles and poured them all over the cookie pan. Sure, it was quick, and sure, some did get on the cookies, but I think more ended up on the tray.

"Do you think anyone is going to want to eat these?'" my six-year-old son asked.

"Yeah. You probably will."

I put the cookies on the counter. The dog smelled them. He jumped up and nearly pulled the tray off of the counter.

"Make that you and the dog!"

Bad Dog

Our 14 week old German Shepherd puppy was very mischievous today. He nipped at everybody, he barked more than was acceptable, he bit the cat's tail, he destroyed the cat's shelter, he terrorized the dogs next door, he wouldn't follow commands, and he had an accident on the kitchen floor.

"Mommy, that doggy is bad!" said my son. "He's going to get coal in his stocking!"

"If he keeps it up, he most certainly will!" I replied.

"Oh, if he gets coal, can I have it?"

"Um, sure. Why?"

"I like collecting rocks."

Hiding the Cookies

Before I tell you that story, I have to tell you this story:

A couple of years ago (or maybe longer than that), I made a huge batch of my delectable chocolate chip cookies. I make them only once a year, because they are rather addictive. Anyway, I made these cookies and put them away in the freezer to distribute at Christmas. Now, we're talking about 120 cookies. When I went in the freezer, I pulled out the container and opened it. To my surprise, all 120 cookies were gone. In their place was a note from my husband that read, "Num, Num, Num."

Every year I have tried to make my cookies a few days before Christmas, so that at least most of the cookies are still there. This year, I simply don't have time to make a couple batches of those cookies, or even make them at a later time. So this year, I got smart. I hid them.

Now, I know my husband needs his cookies, so I made him a batch of those Betty Crocker Oatmeal Chocolate Chip cookies. My friend said they were good. My husband grabbed one after dinner.

'These aren't your cookies!" he exclaimed. "Where are your cookies?" (He knew I had already made them.)

"They're hiding!"

"Where?"

"I'm not telling!"

Then my husband started to take all of the frozen meat and vegetables out of the freezer.

"Woman, where are those cookies?"

"I'm not telling!"

Hee Hee.

Vet Visit

Today we had to take the cat and the dog to the vet. Let me tell you about that.

The dog went in one room. The cat went into the other.

The dog was first. He had to get his kennel cough vaccination which is a spray up the nose. Well, the doctor sprayed, and the dog sneezed -all over the doctor's glasses.

After the dog was done, he went back to the waiting room, where he promptly peed all over the floor. Ugh!

Then it was the cat's turn. Well, the cat had a tapeworm piece stuck to his rear end. That wasn't good. So he got a shot for the tapeworm infestation. Then they took a stool sample. When they brought him back to the room, he let out a huge fart that stunk so bad I thought I'd vomit.

The doctor proceeded to inspect the fecal samples of both animals. "Mom, there are three doctors inspecting the poop!" my son exclaimed.

"Must be a lot of poop to inspect," I replied.

The doctor came back with the report: "The dog is fine. The cat has round worms."

Great!

Meanwhile the cat let out another stinky fart. This time it stunk up the entire office.

Someone made the comment, "That cat sure has problems!"

Yep.

So now I've paid over a thousand dollars for that darn stray cat, and then he went and pooped in the crate. Some thanks I got! Peeeeeeew!!!!

Puff Mobile

Every Friday I volunteer in my daughter's classroom. I never know what I'm going to find. As I walked down the hall, I noticed a group of kids crawling on their hands and knees blowing on contraptions that looked like sailboats on wheels.

"What's going on here?" I asked.

"We're having puff mobile races," one of the kids replied.

I got down for a closer look.

The contraptions were made of bendy-straws, pins, life savers (for the wheels), and a sheet of notebook paper (for the sail).

"Cool," I said.

It made me wish I was a third grader again! ( I may have to try making one of those at home.)