Mama Diaries

Friday, August 28, 2015

How to Make Toast

Before I begin my story, I'd like to let you all know that I'm a guest over at Chrys Fey's blog. We're talking about blogging and my life as a mom. Please stop by and visit!

Now for the story.

Last night, my son was in the kitchen. He had a glass measuring cup, into which he inserted a half a stick of butter.

"Dude," I said. "What are you doing?"

"Making toast."

I shook my had. "Making toast? With a half a stick of butter?"

"Yes, Mama. I'm making my special homemade toast. Watch."

He took two slices of bread and put them in the toaster. Then he put the measuring cup with butter in the microwave, and nuked it until the butter was in liquid form. By that time, the toast had popped. He took them out of the toaster, put them on a plate, and then poured the liquid butter over each of them.

But that wasn't all. He flipped them over and poured butter on the other side. Then he got out the blackberry jam and smothered each piece with it.

"There," he said when his creation was finished. "Perfect."

Then the boy ate it.

So there you go, ladies and gentlemen. Now you know how to make toast. Bubba style.

Wednesday, August 26, 2015

Motor Bikes

"I'm going to go ride my bike," my eleven-year-old son announced.

"Okay," I said. "Have fun."

About twenty minutes later, I heard a ridiculous amount of noise. I looked up and saw my boy and his friends coming down the street on their bikes. The noise was coming from their bikes. They sounded like a twenty-person motorcycle gang. 

When they pulled in the driveway I walked over to ascertain what was causing this din. I found plastic cups rigged to the bikes' fenders which hit the wheel spokes as the bikes were pedaled. "Seriously?" I asked. "What were you guys thinking?"

My son grinned. "We're thinking motor bikes are way cooler than regular bikes. Do you like them?"

I shook my head. "You get an A+ for creativity, but an F for being respectable citizens. You'd better take those things off before someone calls the police because you guys are disturbing the peace!"


Thursday, August 20, 2015

Scary Mama Mobile

Yesterday, I went to get an oil change for my car.

As soon as the technician opened my hood, she jumped back and screamed. Literally.

"What's the matter?" I asked.

"You have a giant spider living under your hood!"

Oh.  I thought. That's nice.

She grabbed her handy dandy water sprayer thing, and spent the next five minutes spraying the heck out of it. "There," she said when she was finished. "It drowned."

Okay. One less scary thing, I suppose.

After the routine checkup, it was determined that I needed to have my fuel injectors cleaned. Some kind of engine cleaner was added, after which I had to start my car, and give it gas.

Well, the technicians had told the next customer to pull up right behind me. This wasn't a good idea. Because as soon as I hit the gas, a massive amount of black smoke billowed out of my tail pipe. I watched in my rear view mirror as the customer opened her door and ran out of her car, choking and gasping for air.

Poor lady!  "Sorry about that," I said after the smoke cleared.

Finally, it was determined that I needed a new battery (it was on 30%), and that my O2 sensor was not working and had to be replaced. When I got the bill for all the work that had been done, it was over $500!

I tell you, I have one very scary car!

Today's Bubba question of the day comes from Arni. She wanted to know where and to what era Bubba would go if he had a time machine.

Surprisingly, he did not have to think too long about that.

"I would find an unsolved crime in the present where a huge award would be given to someone who could help solve it. Then I would go to the past, to the scene of the crime, and see what happened.  When I return to the present, I will report my findings. Justice will be served, and I will get a lot of money!"

Pretty amazing. How many of you would have thought to do that?

If you have any questions for Bubba, please put them in the comment section.

(And from yesterday's post, if you're curious as to how old I actually am, I'm 144. Minus 100.)

Wednesday, August 19, 2015

Ancient Mama

The other day, Richard had a question for Bubba. He wanted to know if he knew how old his Mama was. I figured he probably knew, because I just had  a birthday a couple of weeks ago. So I asked.

"Forty-six?" he replied.

"No, Bubba, I'm not forty-six."

He thought for a minute. "Oh, I know. A hundred and forty-six!"

"A hundred and forty-six?" I couldn't believe it!

"Yes, Mama.  You're ancient!"

So ladies and gentlemen, do you concur with Bubba? Am I one hundred and forty-six?

Thanks for your Bubba questions. I have a couple more to get answers for. It's been fun getting them! If you have any burning questions for Bubba, please put them in the comment section.

Tuesday, August 18, 2015

Marshmallow Paint

We recently painted my son's room. And you know how nice freshly painted rooms smell.

This morning, when my son came downstairs after spending the night in his room, he had a very interesting comment.  "Mama, they should make marshmallow paint."

"Marshmallow paint?" I asked.

He nodded. "Marshmallow paint would smell much better!"

(I agree. I think they should make chocolate cake paint, too!)

Today's Bubba question of the day comes from Chrys Fey.  She wanted to know what Bubba would do if aliens invaded Earth. Here's Bubba's answer:

"I'd hide in the attic."

"What if they find you?" I asked.

"They'd never find me. Nobody goes in the attic!"


After a moment of thought, he offered another option:

"Or I'd buy an island in the middle of the ocean which could not be detected from space and hang out there. I'd probably find more things to eat and not have to starve if I did that."

If you have a question for Bubba, please leave it in the comment section.

Monday, August 17, 2015

How to Open a Bag of Chips

My teenage daughter and I were sitting at the kitchen table, eating lunch. We each had a bag of potato chips. When it was time to eat them, I opened mine very nicely by separating the top seal. It was neat, clean, and quiet.

Then there was my daughter. She placed the bag on the table, took the palm of her hand, and whacked the thing as hard as possible. It made a huge popping sound as chips spewed out the bottom, across the table.

"Really?" I asked.

She laughed. "Yes. That's how you open a bag of chips!"

I shook my head. "Did you not see my demonstration three seconds ago?"

"Mom, that's not how real people open their chips. Everybody smashes the bag. We do it all the time in school!"

"And do you get in trouble?"


"Then maybe you should try opening the bag like an imaginary person!"     

Now, for the Bubba question of the day:  Shady Dell Knight wanted to know if Bubba likes Bubba Burgers. (Yes, there is  a brand of hamburgers called, "Bubba Burgers.")  When I posed the question, he gave me a funny look. "No, I don't like Bubba Burgers!"

This shocked me. "Why?" I asked.

"Because I don't like things that are named after me!"

My reaction must've looked a little strange, because he busted out in a huge grin. "Of course I like Bubba Burgers. They're delectable!"

I have a couple more questions for Bubba. I'll give his answers in the next posts. If you have a question for Bubba, feel free to put it in the comment section.

Friday, August 14, 2015

Dream Theory

My eleven-year-old son seems to be very interested in dreams. He has them nearly every night, and he loves to tell me about them in the morning.

"Mama, I think I know what dreams are," he said.

"What are dreams?" I asked. I couldn't wait to hear this one.

"They're your mind travelling to an alternate universe where you live another life."

"You think?" I asked.

"Yes. And do you know what's cool about them?"


"They're like watching television. But without time limits. I can watch my dream for nine hours, and you can't tell me to turn it off."

(I think he has a point!)

Now for the Bubba question of the day: Michael D'Agostino wanted to ask Bubba where the best place was to take a girl out on a date. I wasn't sure if this was such a great question to ask an eleven year old, but since the boy is wise beyond his years, I asked. He said. "Take her to a Chicago Style Pizzaria. The deep dish pizzas are the best!"

I have a few more questions from you, that I need to get answers for. I'll post Bubba's responses. If you have any other burning questions for Bubba, please post them in the comments.