Mama Diaries

Wednesday, June 22, 2016

Skating Rink for Schultz

We recently got the hard-wood floors in our house refinished. They look fantastic, but whatever was put on the floors to seal them, has made them really slippery! Everyone has slipped a little. But no one has slipped more than Schultz, our hundred pound German Shepherd.

The quadruped can't seem to control his speed. He goes fast. Unfortunately, that doesn't work so well on slippery floors.   He loses his balance and falls on his nose. Or he crashes into the wall.

"Dog, slow down!" I said after his last crash.

He looked at me with his big, brown puppy eyes. Then he walked slowly to the front hall where we have an area rug. When he spotted the rug, he wagged his bushy tail. Then he ran and pounced not- so-gracefully onto the rug. That thing slid across the hall, but he managed to remain upright.

He looked very pleased with himself. Since then, he has done it several more times. He now has a new mode of transportation for navigating our slick rink - his very own magic carpet ride.

Thursday, June 16, 2016

Daddy's Got Talent

So, my husband has decided he is going to audition for America's Got Talent.

"Wait a minute," I said. "You've got talent?"

After living with him for over 15 years, I had no idea.

"Yeah. I've got talent."

"Doing what?"


I looked at the guy. I've heard him on occasion singing in the shower, and let me tell you, it's nothing to write home about.

"You sure about that?"

"Yep."  Then he showed me a video. "This guy is my inspiration."

I watched as an 82 year old dude audition on American's Got Talent. My jaw dropped to the floor.
"Uh, okay."

You can see the video here.

The thing is, I can totally see my husband doing what the old dude did.

Friday, June 10, 2016

A Cure for Everything

Before I begin my story, I want to let you all know that I'm giving away copies of each of my three books (That Baby Woke Me Up, AGAIN, That Mama is a Grouch, and Ten Zany Birds). If you're on Facebook, you can follow this link, and it will take you to the page where the giveaway is. Just leave a comment for your chance to win. The giveaway will be up through Sunday.

And now for the story.

"Mama," my twelve-year-old son said. "I'm going to invent a cure for everything."

"You are?" I asked. I couldn't wait to hear about this.

"Yes. Do you know how?"

"I have no idea."

"I'm going to take every vaccine that was ever created, and mix them together. It'll be a super vaccine."

I raised my eyebrows. "You're sure that would work?"

He nodded. "Pretty sure. But I'd test it on chipmunks just to double check."

Okay. I think Alvin and the gang had better run. My mad scientist has big plans!

(I wonder if it would cure hiccups.)

Friday, June 3, 2016

Question of the Month and Sisterhood Blogger Award

It's time for Question of the Month hosted by Michael D'Agostino. This month's question is:

Of all the places in the world that you haven’t yet been to, where would you like to go next?”

Hmmm. I guess Australia. There are a few things on my bucket list that can be done there. I want to see a concert at the Sydney Opera House. I want to dive/snorkel the Great Barrier Reef, and I want to hold a koala bear. Plus I would like to visit every continent. Australia would be one off the list.

Maybe I'd hop over to New Zealand after that. I've heard that place is gorgeous.

Where would you like to go?

Second, Tracy Terry nominated me for the Sisterhood of the World Blogger Award.

Thanks, Tracy! I have to answer some of her questions, now.

What old object to I have stashed away collecting dust?  Well, we'll have to make that plural. I have a huge collection of Nancy Drew books. Several were my mom's when she was a kid. They might even be first editions. They're probably worth a lot of money. I'll probably end up passing them down to my daughter.

Which childhood programs would you like to see again? I didn't really watch too much TV. What I did watch was Sesame Street and Mister Rogers. I don't know if either of those are still playing. If not, those are the ones I'd like to see.

When you think of an iconic film, what comes to mind? Gone with the Wind. That's pretty iconic.

What other names am I known by? Mama. I'm sure you can figure out why.

If I ordered a main meal, would I start with an appetizer or pudding?  By "pudding" I would assume that means dessert. Tracy's from the UK, and I think that's how they talk there. I generally do not eat appetizers or desserts. I just eat the main meal. Usually, I'm too full to fit anything else after that. If I had a choice between appetizer or dessert, I'd probably take the dessert. I have a sweet tooth!

If I had to go to a fancy dress party, what would be my costume of choice?   I'm a girly-girl, so I would choose a floor-length evening gown - probably red, because red is my favorite color.

Superstitious? No.

Which person or animal would I be able to impersonate? I can't say this is question I've ever considered. I suppose I'd be good at impersonating a chicken. Please don't ask me to demonstrate!

What character in a book would be my imaginary friend? Goodness. Another tough one. Okay. I think it would be Annie from the Magic Tree House series by Mary Pope Osborne. She's a fun little girl with a great sense of adventure. We'd have a good time together.

Lightening round:  Tea or Coffee? Neither. Water. Sweet or savory? Sweet. Clean shaven or with a beard? Clean shaven. Whiskers are too scratchy, but I will say, some guys look better with a beard.

Now, I'm supposed to pass this on to ten people and provide ten other questions. I'm really bad about picking people, mostly because I know many of you have received a bazillion of these awards and don't want to do them anymore. But in case you haven't, and you want to do this, consider yourself nominated. (This is an award for the ladies. You men will have to find your own brotherhood award.) If you choose to accept, here's what you're supposed to do:   mention you got it from me, answer the questions, provide ten more questions, and nominate ten more people.

As far as the questions go, you can use Tracy's or these:

1. What's your favorite gemstone?
2. If you were a historical figure, who would you be?
3. What's your favorite genre of film?
4. What was your favorite toy as a child?
5. What was the last book you'd recommend?
6. What was the best piece of advice you were ever given?
7. Who would be your dream dinner guest, and why?
8. Day or night?
9. If space travel was a reality, where would you go?
10. If time travel was real, what period would you travel to?

Thursday, June 2, 2016


My daughter went to Hilton Head beach this past week. While strolling along the beach, she found a particularly beautiful shell. After taking a selfie with it, she decided to bring it up to her hotel room. There it stayed, causing no trouble at all.

But then at midnight, the strangeness began. My daughter was awakened by the sound of scratching. It freaked her out. "Wake up!" she called to her friend.

The friend groaned. "It's midnight. Quit playing with your makeup!"

"I'm not playing with my makeup! Something is making a noise!"

The girls grabbed their flashlights and investigated. And what do you think they found? A hermit crab! The shell had come to life and was rummaging through my daughter's makeup pile.

The girls screamed.

Their screams awakened the grandparents. "What's going on here?"

The girls pointed at their visitor.

The grandfather laughed, grabbed that thing, and placed it in a cup. That's where it stayed until morning, when it was released back into the ocean.

So much for the pretty shell.

Tuesday, May 31, 2016

Fancy Feast

I hate to admit it, but my cat has terrible table manners. He exhibited his rude behavior when my son tried to enjoy a picnic at the table on our outside deck.

As soon as Bubba sat down with his bowl of chicken soup and glass of milk, Bootsy the cat jumped up onto the table and began investigating. Apparently, Bootsy thought the soup smelled pretty good. He tried to stick his head in the bowl and take a few slurps.

My son would have none of that. He pushed the cat away. Undeterred, the cat tried again. And again, he was pushed away. After several attempts, Bootsy finally figured out that the soup was not for him.

So what did he do? He tried the milk. Or at least he tried to try the milk. Same thing. Bubba pushed him away. Finally, the cat gave up. He parked himself at a spot on the table and lay down on his back with his tummy facing up. Yes, the cat wanted a tummy rub.

"Bootsy," my son said. "You're not getting anything from me! No soup. No milk. No tummy rub."

So much for the fancy feast. Poor kitty!

Wednesday, May 25, 2016

The Soup Project

Last night, after I came home from work, my son came up to me and said, "Mama, we need to boil some potatoes."

I looked at the kid. "Boil potatoes? Why?"

"I have a school project that's due tomorrow, and I have to make Russian potato soup."

I couldn't imagine why in the world he'd have to make such a thing. "Okay. You need to back up. What kind of school project involves Russian potato soup?"

"I have to teach the class how to do something, and I wanted to teach them how to make that."

"Why couldn't you teach them how to write a program for video games? You know how to do that."

He frowned. "Because I'm Russian, and Russian potato soup is good."


"So, Bubba, do you know how to make Russian potato soup?"

He nodded. "It's all in my head." 

I thought I'd test that theory. "What are the ingredients?"



The boy shrugged.  Just as I thought. He had no idea of how to make Russian potato soup.

I sighed and pulled out the ingredients, which he was very lucky that I happened to have. At ten o'clock at night, it might have been  a little tough to find a grocery store that was open.

"Okay, Bubba. Start peeling."

He took the peeler and attempted to do the job. He had no clue how to peel a potato. So I showed him. I ended up peeling the potatoes, because he claimed that the cast on his arm made it difficult. This may or may not be true, but I wasn't going to argue about it, because I just wanted to get it done.

I showed him how to make the soup.  When it was done, I asked him how he was going to get it to school and serve it.

He shrugged. "You'll figure it out."

Of course. Mamas always figure it out!