Mama Diaries

Sunday, August 10, 2014

The Vampire Test

It's official.  I'm a vampire.

 I've always suspected I might be, since I have very pale skin and dark hair.  And I'm always cold.  My hands are like ice.  (When I used to Scuba dive in Cozumel, the dive masters had a great nickname for me:  "La Vampira."  They suspected I was a vampire, too.)

Anyway, my daughter came up behind me and shoved an onion in my face.  I backed away from that thing quickly.

"You failed, Mom!" she said.

"Failed what?" I asked.

"The onion test.  Vampires are afraid of onions, and you are clearly afraid of onions.  Which makes you a vampire!"

Okay. There you have it.  The indisputable evidence has proven that I am a vampire.  Maybe I should go find a coffin to sleep in, now!

 

36 comments:

  1. And here I thought it was garlic vampires were afraid of. :) But then, who won't be afraid of an onion shoved in their face.

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    1. I thought it was garlic, too. I'm sure I would've had the same reaction if she had shoved garlic in my face!

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  2. Well, garlic and onion are closely related so I guess your daughter's correct - but doesn't that make her a vampire too or does it skip generations?

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    1. Haha! It must skip generations, because both of my kids always complain about being too hot. Maybe they're werewolves, like their dad! ;0)

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  3. I like onions, but I tend to leave the curtains closed all day and keep the house dark - is that partial vampire?

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    1. If you're cold all the time, it could be. ;0)

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  4. I doubt if you have a crucifix in house, so that's good. It's garlic that's supposed to bother vampires. The Hurricane has cold hands and feet. The doctor said she has Raynaud's Disease. I think that diagnosis is a little more likely than vampire. Please don't sleep in a coffin. That would really freak me out.

    Love,
    Janie

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    1. Okay. I won't sleep in a coffin, because I don't want to freak you out. And because I think my current king sized bed is way more comfortable than a coffin!

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  5. I don't think I'm a vampire; nevertheless, I don't think I'd react well to having an onion shoved in my face. LOL :)

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  6. I don't go out in the sun, I might be screwed too

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    1. I think maybe a lot of us writers are really vampires, because we spend so much time out of the sun, writing!

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  7. You need to send your daughter to the Vampire Slaying Academy.... otherwise the world will be lost if she starts fighting them with onions instead garlic

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  8. At least she didn't try to stab you with a round steak to the heart!

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    1. I would've been really worried if she had tried that!

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  9. Or you're a woman. I read somewhere it's common we have cold hands and feet as we get older...something about female hormones making our blood circulation center around our vital organs when we're cold. Plus women are smart...we don't want onions in our face! I thought it was garlic that scared vampires.

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    1. My feet are usually okay. It's my hands that turn to ice. Maybe I should wear socks on them. ;0)

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  10. Isn't garlic what vampires don't like? If you star in a twlight type movie, then you've hit rock bottom lol

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    1. Yes. The consensus around here is that garlic is the thing to ward off vampires. They should've used me in a Twilight movie. I wouldn't have needed any makeup!

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  11. I'm definitely not a vampire, but I used to love guys who played them on tv! :) I do love garlic, though not onions so much...

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    1. I would say you aren't a vampire. And I agree, many of those vampire guys are attractive, until they open their big mouths!

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  12. I thought they were afraid of garlic?

    When I was little, my inscisor teeth grew in above the rest of my teeth so I looked like a vampire. Everyone at school thought I was one, or half one, since I could go out in the sun and my hair was blond even though I was so pale. I had to prove it to whoever wanted to be my friend by eating stuff with garlic in it.

    When I was 14, I was drinking cranberry juice from a to go bottle and my mom's friend asked what it was so little angsty "goth" me automatically piped up with "blood". Scared the heck out of him until I started laughing because of his face.

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    1. That is funny! I drink cranberry juice all the time. It's pretty good blood! ;0)

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  13. I didn't think anyone likes getting an onion to the face. Or is that just me?

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    1. I really haven't met anyone who enjoys it. So maybe we're all vampires.

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  14. I'd be more convinced you're a vampire if she'd dropped a bunch of seeds, and you had this uncontrollable urge to count them... ;)

    (Can you tell I'm a folklore junkie? Haha!)

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  15. This made me smile to myself about onions, you see being epiletic I get a warning if a seizure is about, the warning? the smell of onions.
    Thanks fopr sharing.

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    1. That's interesting. I never knew that!

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  16. There may be many vampires among us, lol.

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  17. Cute story! I think being a vampire is pretty cool. Is it genetic? Maybe it's been passed down to your kids :)

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    1. No. My kids are always hot, so I think they're werewolves.

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  18. Vampires not liking onions is a new one to me. I always thought it was garlic. Maybe I haven't watched enough vampire movies to know all the facts, LOL.

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    1. I think it's my daughter who hasn't watched enough vampire movies to know the facts!

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