Monday, April 30, 2012
Dirty Present
"Woman," my husband said. "I got you a present."
"Cool," I said. "What?"
"You'll see."
A little while later, a dump truck arrived in our driveway. It had a nice pile of steaming mulch to deliver. The driver dumped that thing and took off. Nice.
"There you go, woman," my husband said. "Now get mulching!"
Ugh. Yeah. That's the nicest thing anyone has ever gotten me. Thanks a lot, honey!
Sunday, April 29, 2012
Food Medusa
Yesterday, I was rummaging through the refrigerator to find something to make for dinner. That's when I spotted some tuna steaks. I pulled those things out and started to find a pan.
Just then my husband came in the kitchen. "Woman!" he bellowed. "Stay away from the tuna!"
"Why?" I asked.
"Because you'll destroy them!"
"Will not!" I said, getting defensive.
"Will, too!" he said. "Don't even look at them. They'll turn to stone!"
"What are you talking about?"
"You're the food medusa. And you're not going to kill these expensive tuna steaks!"
Apparently he was referring to the time I baked the Easter ham with the wrapper still on it. (And the last time I overcooked his fancy filets.)
All right. Fine. I'll leave the darn tuna steaks alone. But he's not getting one teeny tiny piece of the chocolate cake I'm baking!
Friday, April 27, 2012
Turtle Muncher
The dog was at it again today. This time our wayward German Shepherd decided to terrorize a box turtle. He found one in our yard that apparently had not seen the "Beware of the Dog" sign. That bad doggy was prancing around with a turtle in his mouth, drooling all over it.
"Schultz!" I bellowed. "Drop it!"
He dropped it - right onto the cement patio. Clunk!
"Schultz, get out of here," I said. He walked off a little distance and parked his furry bottom on the ground.
I took a look at the turtle. It was the same one my kids had terrorized last year. Aside from a new scratch mark on his shell, the turtle looked okay.
"Listen, turtle," I said. "You really need to think about relocating. It's going to be another rough summer for you if you don't."
I don't know if he was listening or not. I took that thing out of our fenced yard and put him in the woods. "Okay, buddy," I said. "You're on your own. Next time read the sign!"
"Schultz!" I bellowed. "Drop it!"
He dropped it - right onto the cement patio. Clunk!
"Schultz, get out of here," I said. He walked off a little distance and parked his furry bottom on the ground.
I took a look at the turtle. It was the same one my kids had terrorized last year. Aside from a new scratch mark on his shell, the turtle looked okay.
"Listen, turtle," I said. "You really need to think about relocating. It's going to be another rough summer for you if you don't."
I don't know if he was listening or not. I took that thing out of our fenced yard and put him in the woods. "Okay, buddy," I said. "You're on your own. Next time read the sign!"
Thursday, April 26, 2012
Snake Bite
I knew that one day, someone was going to get bit by one of the creatures my kids and the neighborhood kids catch. Fortunately it wasn't me, or my kids.
"Mama!" My daughter came running in the house. "Bubba's friend got bit by a snake! I think it was a copperhead!"
Uh oh. Copperheads are poisoness, so that was not good news.
I ran out to investigate.
"We have it under the box," my son yelled.
Heck with the snake. I wanted to know how the kid was. "Where's your buddy?" I asked. "Is he okay?"
"Yeah, he's fine."
Hmmm. Okay. I figured I should take a look at this snake and see if it was a bad one. I flipped over the box with a long stick. There it was, all coiled up, and looking mighty unhappy. But it was black. Copperheads are copper. I breathed a sigh of relief.
"All right, kids. This is a northern water snake. Not a copperhead. Leave it alone. AND QUIT PLAYING WITH SNAKES!"
Oy! I think I just got another gray hair!
"Mama!" My daughter came running in the house. "Bubba's friend got bit by a snake! I think it was a copperhead!"
Uh oh. Copperheads are poisoness, so that was not good news.
I ran out to investigate.
"We have it under the box," my son yelled.
Heck with the snake. I wanted to know how the kid was. "Where's your buddy?" I asked. "Is he okay?"
"Yeah, he's fine."
Hmmm. Okay. I figured I should take a look at this snake and see if it was a bad one. I flipped over the box with a long stick. There it was, all coiled up, and looking mighty unhappy. But it was black. Copperheads are copper. I breathed a sigh of relief.
"All right, kids. This is a northern water snake. Not a copperhead. Leave it alone. AND QUIT PLAYING WITH SNAKES!"
Oy! I think I just got another gray hair!
Wednesday, April 25, 2012
Splashing in the Bathtub
Last night I told my seven-year-old son to go take a bath. He was filthy. As usual. He went upstairs and took his bath. When he emmerged, he looked clean and shiney. He was also in his pajamas. Okay. Nothing unusual. Except he was grinning from ear to ear. That usually means trouble.
"What did you do?" I asked. No use beating around the bush.
He giggled. "I took a bath with my clothes on."
"What?" I said. I couldn't believe it. "Why in the world would you jump in the bathtub with all of your clothes on?"
"I was hot."
Huh?
"Plus my clothes needed to be washed, too."
Oh.
I looked at my goofy son. "Couldn't you have at least taken your socks off?"
"No. They were dirty, too."
I went in the bathroom. On the floor was a sopping wet sweatshirt, a sopping wet pair of jeans, a sopping wet pair of underpants, and a pair of sopping wet socks. I picked that dripping wet stuff up and hauled it down to the washing machine for a proper wash.
I tell you, I never know what that kid is going to think of next!
"What did you do?" I asked. No use beating around the bush.
He giggled. "I took a bath with my clothes on."
"What?" I said. I couldn't believe it. "Why in the world would you jump in the bathtub with all of your clothes on?"
"I was hot."
Huh?
"Plus my clothes needed to be washed, too."
Oh.
I looked at my goofy son. "Couldn't you have at least taken your socks off?"
"No. They were dirty, too."
I went in the bathroom. On the floor was a sopping wet sweatshirt, a sopping wet pair of jeans, a sopping wet pair of underpants, and a pair of sopping wet socks. I picked that dripping wet stuff up and hauled it down to the washing machine for a proper wash.
I tell you, I never know what that kid is going to think of next!
Tuesday, April 24, 2012
Doggy Quirks
Here's a little something I thought I'd share about my big old German Shepherd (who's not so old). He's weird!
Let me tell you, he's got some pretty odd quirks. First of all, he loves light reflections. He can stand for hours in a pounce position, staring at one. When he finds one that moves, he attacks! It's utterly ridiculous to watch.
He also loves munching ice cubes. That dog can be sound asleep, and if I go anywhere near the freezer by the ice cube maker, he goes on full alert and charges. Then he stands there and waits for ice to fall out. He's very disappointed when it doesn't!
He also has a habit of stepping on feet. I don't much like when that hundred pound beast steps on mine. Especially when I'm playing the violin. This happens frequently.
One of the newest happened today. He was outside sitting in the middle of my flower garden (another one of his quirks) when he heard some fire truck sirens. That goof ball stuck his nose in the air and started howling along. He didn't stop until the sirens were gone.
I think he needs to go see a doggy psychologist. What do you think?
Let me tell you, he's got some pretty odd quirks. First of all, he loves light reflections. He can stand for hours in a pounce position, staring at one. When he finds one that moves, he attacks! It's utterly ridiculous to watch.
He also loves munching ice cubes. That dog can be sound asleep, and if I go anywhere near the freezer by the ice cube maker, he goes on full alert and charges. Then he stands there and waits for ice to fall out. He's very disappointed when it doesn't!
He also has a habit of stepping on feet. I don't much like when that hundred pound beast steps on mine. Especially when I'm playing the violin. This happens frequently.
One of the newest happened today. He was outside sitting in the middle of my flower garden (another one of his quirks) when he heard some fire truck sirens. That goof ball stuck his nose in the air and started howling along. He didn't stop until the sirens were gone.
I think he needs to go see a doggy psychologist. What do you think?
Monday, April 23, 2012
Tissue Paper Squares
Last week, I went to my son's school to help out in the classroom. I never know what the teacher is going to have me do. I usually get an odd assortment of things.
"Let me see," said the teacher. Then she pulled out a stack of tissue paper sheets. And sissors.
Uh oh.
"Can you please cut these into strips and then make squares with them? Just dump them in this basket when you're done. Thanks!"
She sent me out in the hall to work on this project.
Yeah, cutting tissue paper into strips, and then cutting them again to make squares is just so much fun!
As I cut, I wondered what on earth the teacher would be doing with these things. Confetti? Rainbow hodge podge? I figured it would be something to do with making a big mess.
An hour and a half later, I turned in my basket of tissue paper squares. Glad to be done, I went back home and didn't think about it anymore.
Today, my son came home from school. And guess what he had? A small milk carton, cut in half and filled with dirt. And on that milk carton was glued....tissue paper squares!
"What's this?" I asked.
"A sunflower," my son replied. "Happy Earth Day!"
"Let me see," said the teacher. Then she pulled out a stack of tissue paper sheets. And sissors.
Uh oh.
"Can you please cut these into strips and then make squares with them? Just dump them in this basket when you're done. Thanks!"
She sent me out in the hall to work on this project.
Yeah, cutting tissue paper into strips, and then cutting them again to make squares is just so much fun!
As I cut, I wondered what on earth the teacher would be doing with these things. Confetti? Rainbow hodge podge? I figured it would be something to do with making a big mess.
An hour and a half later, I turned in my basket of tissue paper squares. Glad to be done, I went back home and didn't think about it anymore.
Today, my son came home from school. And guess what he had? A small milk carton, cut in half and filled with dirt. And on that milk carton was glued....tissue paper squares!
"What's this?" I asked.
"A sunflower," my son replied. "Happy Earth Day!"
Sunday, April 22, 2012
Tornado Expert
Today I took my seven-year-old son to the museum. While we were there, we saw a couple of high school kids putting on a tornado exhibit. Of course we had to investigate.
My son watched as they spun up some tornados in their two-liter pop bottles. "I can do that, too," he said.
"Oh yeah?" said one of the teenagers. "Let's see."
He did a great demonstration.
"Do you know how tornados form?' the other teenager asked.
"Yeah," said my little expert. "Cold air meets hot air and creates an updraft."
"Whoa!" That teenager was impressed.
Then he proceeded to tell them all about the difference between F1 tornados and F5 tornados.
"Little man, you know more than I do," said the teenager. "Maybe you should do this job."
"I am going to be a storm chaser when I grow up."
Oh boy. Something else for me to worry about!
My son watched as they spun up some tornados in their two-liter pop bottles. "I can do that, too," he said.
"Oh yeah?" said one of the teenagers. "Let's see."
He did a great demonstration.
"Do you know how tornados form?' the other teenager asked.
"Yeah," said my little expert. "Cold air meets hot air and creates an updraft."
"Whoa!" That teenager was impressed.
Then he proceeded to tell them all about the difference between F1 tornados and F5 tornados.
"Little man, you know more than I do," said the teenager. "Maybe you should do this job."
"I am going to be a storm chaser when I grow up."
Oh boy. Something else for me to worry about!
Friday, April 20, 2012
Cleaning Vomit
Doesn't that title just want to make you read more?
So the dog must've eaten something disgusting outside. Because when he came in, he vomited all over the floor. Of course I was on the telephone with my dad.
My husband came out of his home office to see what just happened. What he saw was the dog trying to eat his vomit.
That made my husband almost vomit.
I had to act quick. I shoved both of those boys out the door.
Then I got the big Shamwow out. (Yes, my husband got me one of those one Christmas as a joke. It's come in handy on quite a few occasions.) While still on the phone, I cleaned up that mess. I tried to run it down the garbage disposal, but apparently there were big chunks of something in it. The garbage disposal made a horrible racket.
"What is going on over there?" my dad asked.
"Oh, nothing. The dog just threw up, and I'm cleaning the mess."
I knew I had to clean out that garbage disposal. So I searched the house for a pair of latex gloves. (I was not going to shove my hand into a pile of bile!)
I cleaned that digusting thing. Then I washed my hands. All clean. And all done while I was on the telephone.
Am I good or what?
So the dog must've eaten something disgusting outside. Because when he came in, he vomited all over the floor. Of course I was on the telephone with my dad.
My husband came out of his home office to see what just happened. What he saw was the dog trying to eat his vomit.
That made my husband almost vomit.
I had to act quick. I shoved both of those boys out the door.
Then I got the big Shamwow out. (Yes, my husband got me one of those one Christmas as a joke. It's come in handy on quite a few occasions.) While still on the phone, I cleaned up that mess. I tried to run it down the garbage disposal, but apparently there were big chunks of something in it. The garbage disposal made a horrible racket.
"What is going on over there?" my dad asked.
"Oh, nothing. The dog just threw up, and I'm cleaning the mess."
I knew I had to clean out that garbage disposal. So I searched the house for a pair of latex gloves. (I was not going to shove my hand into a pile of bile!)
I cleaned that digusting thing. Then I washed my hands. All clean. And all done while I was on the telephone.
Am I good or what?
Thursday, April 19, 2012
Brace Face
My daughter is officially a "brace face." She had the shiny silver bands placed on her teeth today. She was pretty nervous about getting those things on.
"Mama," she said. "My friends tell me it's going to hurt for the rest of my life."
"The rest of your life?" I said. "Nah. Only about a year or so."
"But my friends say it's worse than getting spacers."
"Listen," I said. "I had braces, and I don't recall braces being worse than spacers. You'll have some discomfort, but it'll go away. I'll give you some Motrin when we get home."
So she went into the office and sat in the chair. The orthodontist clamped her mouth open and went to work. Two hours latter she was sporting a silver smile.
"Look, Mama!"
"Pretty cool," I said. "That wasn't so bad, was it?"
At first she didn't answer. "Well, they feel funny."
"Yeah," I said. "It's always funny having metal stuck in your mouth."
We left the office and drove back to school. On the way, my daughter inspected her new grin. "Um, Mama," she said. "There's a piece of my hair stuck under a band."
"Pull it out,"
She did. "Owwwww!" she hollared.
Uh oh. I guess that was the straw that broke the camel's back!
"Mama," she said. "My friends tell me it's going to hurt for the rest of my life."
"The rest of your life?" I said. "Nah. Only about a year or so."
"But my friends say it's worse than getting spacers."
"Listen," I said. "I had braces, and I don't recall braces being worse than spacers. You'll have some discomfort, but it'll go away. I'll give you some Motrin when we get home."
So she went into the office and sat in the chair. The orthodontist clamped her mouth open and went to work. Two hours latter she was sporting a silver smile.
"Look, Mama!"
"Pretty cool," I said. "That wasn't so bad, was it?"
At first she didn't answer. "Well, they feel funny."
"Yeah," I said. "It's always funny having metal stuck in your mouth."
We left the office and drove back to school. On the way, my daughter inspected her new grin. "Um, Mama," she said. "There's a piece of my hair stuck under a band."
"Pull it out,"
She did. "Owwwww!" she hollared.
Uh oh. I guess that was the straw that broke the camel's back!
Wednesday, April 18, 2012
Star Struck
I don't know if you watch American Idol, but one of the contestants not too long ago, was a young man from my town, Eben Frankowitz. Here's a Youtube video of him and his audition. Anyway, we see this guy quite frequently in our neighborhood. The other day, he was in line right behind us at Subway.
"Mama!" my daughter whispered excitedly. "There's Eben Frankowitz!"
"That's nice," I said. I'm not really one to gawk at celebrities.
Then Mr. Frankowitz came to my daughter's elementary school (he used to be a student there) to sing for a father-daughter dance. My daughter was on cloud nine.
Then today, he was at the school again to make a PA announcement thanking everyone for their support. My daughter ran into him in the hall. She was all giggles. In fact, she was so giggly, she made Eben Frankowitz giggle.
"Mama," she said when she came home. "I made Eben Frankowitz laugh!"
Cool. I wonder if he'll remember that.
"Mama!" my daughter whispered excitedly. "There's Eben Frankowitz!"
"That's nice," I said. I'm not really one to gawk at celebrities.
Then Mr. Frankowitz came to my daughter's elementary school (he used to be a student there) to sing for a father-daughter dance. My daughter was on cloud nine.
Then today, he was at the school again to make a PA announcement thanking everyone for their support. My daughter ran into him in the hall. She was all giggles. In fact, she was so giggly, she made Eben Frankowitz giggle.
"Mama," she said when she came home. "I made Eben Frankowitz laugh!"
Cool. I wonder if he'll remember that.
Tuesday, April 17, 2012
The Sunshine Award
Hey, guess what? I was nominated for this really pretty Sunshine Award, not once, but twice! Woo Hoo. Thanks to Melissa Kline and inluvwithwords for bestowing this honor on me!
The rules for this reward are as follows:
1. Thank the person who nominated you.
2. Answer 10 questions about yourself.
3. Write a post about it.
4. Pass it on to 10 other bloggers.
Here are the questions with my answers:
1. Favorite color? Red. Ruby red. It has to be dark. No bright fire engine stuff.
2. Favorite animal? That's a tough one! Maybe orangutans. Just because I like that word. Hmmm. Maybe I'll add one to my collection of pets. I'm sure my kids would be thrilled!
3. Favorite number? Thirteen. Who says it's unlucky?
4. Favorite drink? Okay. I sat here a full five minutes trying to figure this out. I don't know. I like water. I like milk. I like juice. I like silk milk. Anything healthy. Just don't give me pop or alcohal. My body rejects that stuff.
5. Facebook/Twitter? I used to be a big Facebook fan. It's nice catching up with people I don't see regularly. I have to admit though, I'm liking Twitter better. It's faster, and I find all kinds of useful information on it.
6. My Passion? Teaching the violin and viola. I love sharing my knowledge with students and watching them improve and gain self-confidence. Plus it keeps me on my toes. I have to keep my skills sharp, and figure out new ways to teach things for each individual learning style.
7. Getting/giving? Would I be bad if I said "getting?" LOL. I like both. I enjoy giving, especially if it is appreciated. But I have to say, I do like being on the receiving end once in a while.
8. Favorite pattern? Favorite pattern? Seriously? Like polka dots? Yeah. Polka dots are cool. But I don't think I'd want a polka dot theme in my house. I really have no idea what my favorite pattern is. Whatever looks good, I guess.
9. Favorite day of the week? Sunday. It's my only day off. Sort of. I still have to do mom stuff, but generally, I don't do anything else.
10. Favorite flower? Roses. Although, I like all kinds!
And now for the other sunshiney bloggers:
1. Jessica
2. Super Earthling
3. Pat Hatt
4. Belle
5. Debra Harris-Johnson
6. Empty Nest Insider
7. Elizabeth Twist
8. Nikki
9. Lynn Proctor
10. Crack You Whip
I hope you have a chance to visit these bloggers. Thanks again, Melissa and inluvwithwords! Hope y'all have a sunshiney day!
2. Super Earthling
3. Pat Hatt
4. Belle
5. Debra Harris-Johnson
6. Empty Nest Insider
7. Elizabeth Twist
8. Nikki
9. Lynn Proctor
10. Crack You Whip
I hope you have a chance to visit these bloggers. Thanks again, Melissa and inluvwithwords! Hope y'all have a sunshiney day!
Monday, April 16, 2012
Crazy Trip
Okay. I'm back. In case you wondered where I was, I took a little road trip to visit my dad up in Cleveland. Let me tell you about that trip.
First of all, it rained from the moment I left Cincinnati, to the moment I got to Cleveland. I mean, we're talking downpours all the way! It's not like I can't handle that sort of thing. I'm from Cleveland, after all. It's just not fun. Especially when you have two noisy kids in the back seat arguing about Pokemon.
The real fun happened when I got to the Columbus area. It's a catastrophe there. Every conceivable road is under construction. And to make matters worse, the freeway was shut down, due to "severe construction." Yeah. That was the exact terminology. Now you would think they'd have plenty of detour signs for us folks who aren't that familiar with Columbus. Nope. What they had was one of those big electonic signs that said, "650 W to 315 N." Okay. At least I saw it, even through the pouring rain.
650 W was no problem. 315 N wasn't even that bad. Until it took me smack dab into downtown Columbus. Which of course was under construction. There were no further detour signs indicating where the heck I should go to get back on the freeway to Cleveland. Of course, I took the wrong way. I have a special knack for doing that.
I knew I was messed up when the sign said I was heading for Wheeling, West Virginia. It was time for a stop. I saw a Wendy's sign. Good. I was getting hungry, and it's never good to be lost when you're hungry. I asked the worker how to get on the road that would lead me back home. At this point, I was ready to forget about this little trip. She had no idea. "I'm not the one to ask," she said.
"Okay, then," I said. "Can you find the one to ask?"
She thought about that. "Just a minute."
Out came the manager. A nice Indian lady. I explained my predicament. "No. I can no help you," she said in fine broken English. Then she called out to another Indian worker. This guy had a clue.
"Take the first light. Go right. Then two lights down. Go left. You'll find it."
Great. It was broken Englsh, but at least it made sense.
Of course I screwed that up. I took the second street rather than the second light. I was hoping my kids wouldn't notice. Didn't work.
"Mama," my daughter said. "You"re going in circles."
Yeah. The story of my life.
So I looped around past the Wendy's and did it correctly this time.
Except the freeway I wanted was closed. Imagine that.
But I did find the freeway to Cleveland. I hopped on that. Three hours later we arrived at our destination.
Did I mention it was raining? A lot?
The good news is, my son picked up three new tadpoles at Grandpa's house. So now we're back up to 29 pets. (Is that good news or bad news?)
Oy!
First of all, it rained from the moment I left Cincinnati, to the moment I got to Cleveland. I mean, we're talking downpours all the way! It's not like I can't handle that sort of thing. I'm from Cleveland, after all. It's just not fun. Especially when you have two noisy kids in the back seat arguing about Pokemon.
The real fun happened when I got to the Columbus area. It's a catastrophe there. Every conceivable road is under construction. And to make matters worse, the freeway was shut down, due to "severe construction." Yeah. That was the exact terminology. Now you would think they'd have plenty of detour signs for us folks who aren't that familiar with Columbus. Nope. What they had was one of those big electonic signs that said, "650 W to 315 N." Okay. At least I saw it, even through the pouring rain.
650 W was no problem. 315 N wasn't even that bad. Until it took me smack dab into downtown Columbus. Which of course was under construction. There were no further detour signs indicating where the heck I should go to get back on the freeway to Cleveland. Of course, I took the wrong way. I have a special knack for doing that.
I knew I was messed up when the sign said I was heading for Wheeling, West Virginia. It was time for a stop. I saw a Wendy's sign. Good. I was getting hungry, and it's never good to be lost when you're hungry. I asked the worker how to get on the road that would lead me back home. At this point, I was ready to forget about this little trip. She had no idea. "I'm not the one to ask," she said.
"Okay, then," I said. "Can you find the one to ask?"
She thought about that. "Just a minute."
Out came the manager. A nice Indian lady. I explained my predicament. "No. I can no help you," she said in fine broken English. Then she called out to another Indian worker. This guy had a clue.
"Take the first light. Go right. Then two lights down. Go left. You'll find it."
Great. It was broken Englsh, but at least it made sense.
Of course I screwed that up. I took the second street rather than the second light. I was hoping my kids wouldn't notice. Didn't work.
"Mama," my daughter said. "You"re going in circles."
Yeah. The story of my life.
So I looped around past the Wendy's and did it correctly this time.
Except the freeway I wanted was closed. Imagine that.
But I did find the freeway to Cleveland. I hopped on that. Three hours later we arrived at our destination.
Did I mention it was raining? A lot?
The good news is, my son picked up three new tadpoles at Grandpa's house. So now we're back up to 29 pets. (Is that good news or bad news?)
Oy!
Saturday, April 14, 2012
And Then There Were Twenty-Six
Twenty-six pets, that is. Bad news here at my abode. Do you remember the test tube tadpole that arrived in the mail? He died. I found him floating upside down in his habitat today.
My poor son was devasted. He shed quite a few tears over that little guy.
"Can we get another tadpole from Grandpa's pond when we go to visit him?" he asked.
"Buddy, I don't think we'll be transporting a tadpole four hours in the car. I think we'll just leave that tadpole at Grandpa's house."
He wasn't very happy.
Poor kid. In the last couple of days, he lost a frog and a tadpole. I hope the hermit crabs don't get any ideas!
My poor son was devasted. He shed quite a few tears over that little guy.
"Can we get another tadpole from Grandpa's pond when we go to visit him?" he asked.
"Buddy, I don't think we'll be transporting a tadpole four hours in the car. I think we'll just leave that tadpole at Grandpa's house."
He wasn't very happy.
Poor kid. In the last couple of days, he lost a frog and a tadpole. I hope the hermit crabs don't get any ideas!
Friday, April 13, 2012
Froggy Funeral
Do you remember those frogs my kids caught a couple of weeks ago? Well, my kids and a few neighborhood kids added to the collection. They caught six of those things. Unfortunately, one of the frogs had sustained a leg injury from getting stuck under a rock. Today, the poor frog kicked the bucket.
Of course he needed a proper funeral. My daughter inscribed a rock with the frog's name: Brownie. Then the neighborhood kids dug a hole and plopped him inside. They buried him and placed the tombstone on top. After that, they said a few words to send him on his way to the afterlife.
As a final farewell, they took the other frogs out of the tank and placed them on the ground in front of the tombstone. Frogs and kids sat there solemnly, contemplating the loss of their friend.
Finally, the frogs hopped away, and the children resumed their play.
Rest in peace Mr. Frog named Brownie. We'll miss you!
Of course he needed a proper funeral. My daughter inscribed a rock with the frog's name: Brownie. Then the neighborhood kids dug a hole and plopped him inside. They buried him and placed the tombstone on top. After that, they said a few words to send him on his way to the afterlife.
As a final farewell, they took the other frogs out of the tank and placed them on the ground in front of the tombstone. Frogs and kids sat there solemnly, contemplating the loss of their friend.
Finally, the frogs hopped away, and the children resumed their play.
Rest in peace Mr. Frog named Brownie. We'll miss you!
Thursday, April 12, 2012
Brownie in a Mug
My daughter likes to make weird concoctions in the kitchen. Today she made a brownie in a mug.
"Mama, come try this thing," she said. "It's really good."
"Okay. After I'm done teaching."
As soon as I was done, she dragged me into the kitchen and gave me a mug full of brown stuff. Then she gave me a spoon. She eagerly watched as I sampled her creation.
"Mmmmm. That's pretty good," I said. "What's in it?"
"Five tablespoons of sugar and five tablespoons of cocoa powder along with some other stuff."
Five tablespoons of sugar? Seriously? Now I'm really going to be bouncing off the walls!
"Mama, come try this thing," she said. "It's really good."
"Okay. After I'm done teaching."
As soon as I was done, she dragged me into the kitchen and gave me a mug full of brown stuff. Then she gave me a spoon. She eagerly watched as I sampled her creation.
"Mmmmm. That's pretty good," I said. "What's in it?"
"Five tablespoons of sugar and five tablespoons of cocoa powder along with some other stuff."
Five tablespoons of sugar? Seriously? Now I'm really going to be bouncing off the walls!
Wednesday, April 11, 2012
Soap Ring
I bet you're thinking that I'm talking about a ring of soap around the bathtub- kind of like a dirt ring. Nope. I'm talking about a bar of soap transformed into a ring. This was done by none other than my super-creative seven-year-old son.
The boy was taking an extra long time in the bathtub. I assumed it was because I told him he needed to scrub up real good because he was extra filthy. I assumed wrong. Most of that time was spent carving a hole in the middle of a brand new bar of soap.
When he came out of the bathroom, he had a big grin on his face.
"What's the smile for?" I asked.
"I made something," he said.
"What?"
"Go in the bathroom. You'll see."
That's when I saw it. "How in the world did you do that?" I asked.
"Oh, I just kept the soap in the water a while. Like about two hours, 'til it got soft. Then I made the hole with my finger. It's a soap ring. Do you like it?"
"Um, well...." I wasn't quite sure what to say. So I said, "It's very creative, but next time, spend a little more time scrubbing and a little less time carving soap."
"Okay, Mama."
We'll see if he listens.
The boy was taking an extra long time in the bathtub. I assumed it was because I told him he needed to scrub up real good because he was extra filthy. I assumed wrong. Most of that time was spent carving a hole in the middle of a brand new bar of soap.
When he came out of the bathroom, he had a big grin on his face.
"What's the smile for?" I asked.
"I made something," he said.
"What?"
"Go in the bathroom. You'll see."
That's when I saw it. "How in the world did you do that?" I asked.
"Oh, I just kept the soap in the water a while. Like about two hours, 'til it got soft. Then I made the hole with my finger. It's a soap ring. Do you like it?"
"Um, well...." I wasn't quite sure what to say. So I said, "It's very creative, but next time, spend a little more time scrubbing and a little less time carving soap."
"Okay, Mama."
We'll see if he listens.
Tuesday, April 10, 2012
Technical Difficulties
Okay, so I wanted to let you know, I'm having major problems with blogger. I'm managing to get this post out by sneaking on to draft blogger. (Of course this is right in the middle of the A-Z challenge. Ugh!) Hopefully my sneak job will work for further postings. If not, and I disappear off the face of the blogosphere, you'll know it was due to technical difficulties.
Now for the funny of the day: Schultz meets Sunshine. As you know (or may not know if you're a new follower), Schultz is my giant, loveable, completely obnoxious German Shepherd. The beast is no less than 102 pounds. Sunshine is my teensy weensy green parakeet. She's my good pet.
Today, Sunshine was attempting to eat her breakfast. She sat on her cup by her cage door, and cracked away on her seeds. Schultz had to be nosy. He went right up to her door and stuck his big nose against it. He sniffed.
Sunshine stopped cracking and looked. What the heck is this thing? she thought.
Then he licked the cage.
Sunshine got a little nervous when she saw that big pink tongue.
"Schultz," I said. "Leave Sunshine alone. She just wants to eat her breakfast."
Apparently Schultz wanted to eat her breakfast, too. He used his big snoot to open the cage door.
Poor Sunshine nearly had a heart attack. She flew to the other side of the cage in a big hurry!
"Schultz!" I said. "Go to your crate!"
He complied, and Sunshine was able to finish her breakfast (after a little coaxing).
I hope the bird isn't traumatized for life!.
Now for the funny of the day: Schultz meets Sunshine. As you know (or may not know if you're a new follower), Schultz is my giant, loveable, completely obnoxious German Shepherd. The beast is no less than 102 pounds. Sunshine is my teensy weensy green parakeet. She's my good pet.
Today, Sunshine was attempting to eat her breakfast. She sat on her cup by her cage door, and cracked away on her seeds. Schultz had to be nosy. He went right up to her door and stuck his big nose against it. He sniffed.
Sunshine stopped cracking and looked. What the heck is this thing? she thought.
Then he licked the cage.
Sunshine got a little nervous when she saw that big pink tongue.
"Schultz," I said. "Leave Sunshine alone. She just wants to eat her breakfast."
Apparently Schultz wanted to eat her breakfast, too. He used his big snoot to open the cage door.
Poor Sunshine nearly had a heart attack. She flew to the other side of the cage in a big hurry!
"Schultz!" I said. "Go to your crate!"
He complied, and Sunshine was able to finish her breakfast (after a little coaxing).
I hope the bird isn't traumatized for life!.
Monday, April 9, 2012
German Shredder Strikes Again
I think the dog is off his good behavior streak. He's been getting in a lot of trouble lately. This morning he was busy shredding a cloth lawn chair. Yep. My husband and father-in-law were hanging out in them only yesterday. They neglected to put them in the garage. Big mistake. Beasty boy went out there and gnoshed on them for breakfast.
"Schultz!" I yelled when I saw the blue fabric all over the lawn.
He knew he was in trouble.
He spent a couple of hours in his crate . Then, after I thought he had repented, I let him out. I went about my business. Suddenly, I heard a crash.
"Schultz!" I ran downstairs. The telephone was on the ground. No, he didn't eat the phone, but he did eat a little duct tape man my son had made for my husband. It had been resting against the phone. The duct tape man's body had been completely dismembered. And he was missing a head. I don't know where that went, and I probably don't want to know.
What I do know, is that the beast is grounded for a very long time! Bad dog!
"Schultz!" I yelled when I saw the blue fabric all over the lawn.
He knew he was in trouble.
He spent a couple of hours in his crate . Then, after I thought he had repented, I let him out. I went about my business. Suddenly, I heard a crash.
"Schultz!" I ran downstairs. The telephone was on the ground. No, he didn't eat the phone, but he did eat a little duct tape man my son had made for my husband. It had been resting against the phone. The duct tape man's body had been completely dismembered. And he was missing a head. I don't know where that went, and I probably don't want to know.
What I do know, is that the beast is grounded for a very long time! Bad dog!
Sunday, April 8, 2012
Noisy Watch
When my in-laws returned from the south seas, they brought each of my kids a watch. This was a really good thing, because my son especially, is notorius for not paying attention to the time. Things changed after he strapped that watch to his wrist. Every three minutes he asked me if the time was right.
"Yeah, dude. It's in sync with my watch. You're good."
"Are you sure?" he asked.
"Yes."
All day long, he'd ask. I couldn't wait to go to sleep, so he'd stopping asking about the time. Well, as it turns out, going to sleep didn't help much.
This morning, at the crack of dawn, the boy came in to my bedroom with his watch. It was beeping loudly.
"Mama. Can you fix my watch?"
I looked at the clock. It was 5:00 AM. "Um, no. Ask Daddy."
Fortunately, the daddy who is a technical genious any time of day or night, came to the rescue. He shut that watch right up.
Unfortuantely, we were all wide awake by that time. So we went downstairs to see what the Easter Bunny left. There was my boy, watch strapped on, eating chocolate at 5:00 in the morning.
Oy gewalt!
"Yeah, dude. It's in sync with my watch. You're good."
"Are you sure?" he asked.
"Yes."
All day long, he'd ask. I couldn't wait to go to sleep, so he'd stopping asking about the time. Well, as it turns out, going to sleep didn't help much.
This morning, at the crack of dawn, the boy came in to my bedroom with his watch. It was beeping loudly.
"Mama. Can you fix my watch?"
I looked at the clock. It was 5:00 AM. "Um, no. Ask Daddy."
Fortunately, the daddy who is a technical genious any time of day or night, came to the rescue. He shut that watch right up.
Unfortuantely, we were all wide awake by that time. So we went downstairs to see what the Easter Bunny left. There was my boy, watch strapped on, eating chocolate at 5:00 in the morning.
Oy gewalt!
Saturday, April 7, 2012
Coffee-drinking Dog
My mother-in-law made the big mistake of leaving her coffee mug on the coffee table in the family room. It was a steaming cup of fresh-brewed java. And apparently, it was too much for our German Shepherd to resist.
As soon as my mother-in-law left the room, that dog was on it.
"Schultz!" my daughter screamed. "No! Don't drink the coffee!"
But it was too late. The hairy beast slurped up that stuff with his big pink tongue. (It's a wonder he didn't burn that big pink tongue!)
Then my mother-in-law returned to finish her nice cup of coffee. "Where's my coffee?" she said. "I know I had a full cup here a minute ago!"
My daughter and I looked at each other. "Um. Somebody with a big pink tongue drank it." I said.
"Schultz!" she bellowed.
The dog ran. He knew he shouldn't mess with the mother-in-law!
As soon as my mother-in-law left the room, that dog was on it.
"Schultz!" my daughter screamed. "No! Don't drink the coffee!"
But it was too late. The hairy beast slurped up that stuff with his big pink tongue. (It's a wonder he didn't burn that big pink tongue!)
Then my mother-in-law returned to finish her nice cup of coffee. "Where's my coffee?" she said. "I know I had a full cup here a minute ago!"
My daughter and I looked at each other. "Um. Somebody with a big pink tongue drank it." I said.
"Schultz!" she bellowed.
The dog ran. He knew he shouldn't mess with the mother-in-law!
Friday, April 6, 2012
The Half-birthday Cake
It's my daughter's half-birthday today, and to celebrate the occasion, I made a cake. A half-frosted cake.
Yeah, I did. Because that cake came out of the pan all broken up, so I had to use most of the frosting as glue to hold the pieces together. When I was done, the top was frosted, and the middle was frosted, but the sides weren't.
"Tah-dah!" I showed my daughter her half-birthday cake.
She gave me a funny look. "Mom, what happened here?"
"It's a half-birthday cake. You only get a full frosting job when it's your full birthday."
"Oh," she said. Then as she casually walked away she added, "Don't forget, Granny's coming over later."
Oh shoot. Yeah. My mother-in-law. I would never hear the end of it if I served her granddaughter a half-frosted cake. I guess I better get to the store and buy another tub of frosting!
Yeah, I did. Because that cake came out of the pan all broken up, so I had to use most of the frosting as glue to hold the pieces together. When I was done, the top was frosted, and the middle was frosted, but the sides weren't.
"Tah-dah!" I showed my daughter her half-birthday cake.
She gave me a funny look. "Mom, what happened here?"
"It's a half-birthday cake. You only get a full frosting job when it's your full birthday."
"Oh," she said. Then as she casually walked away she added, "Don't forget, Granny's coming over later."
Oh shoot. Yeah. My mother-in-law. I would never hear the end of it if I served her granddaughter a half-frosted cake. I guess I better get to the store and buy another tub of frosting!
Thursday, April 5, 2012
Storm Chaser
My son has a fascination with storms and tornadoes. He has decided that he wants to be a storm chaser. So today, he put on some storm chaser gear and headed out to the great outdoors.
A little while later, a delivery man arrived at our house. He spotted my son. "Are you going fishing?" he asked.
My son straightened out his fishing vest. "No, sir. I'm a storm chaser."
"Oh," said the delivery man. "Then why are you wearing a fishing vest?"
"It's holding my equipment."
"What kind of equipment?"
My son emptied his pockets. "Well, here are some bandaids in case I get hurt. A flashlight because it gets real dark in thunderstorms, and a compass so I can find my way back home in case a tornado picks me up and drops me somewhere else."
Now that's what I call prepared!
A little while later, a delivery man arrived at our house. He spotted my son. "Are you going fishing?" he asked.
My son straightened out his fishing vest. "No, sir. I'm a storm chaser."
"Oh," said the delivery man. "Then why are you wearing a fishing vest?"
"It's holding my equipment."
"What kind of equipment?"
My son emptied his pockets. "Well, here are some bandaids in case I get hurt. A flashlight because it gets real dark in thunderstorms, and a compass so I can find my way back home in case a tornado picks me up and drops me somewhere else."
Now that's what I call prepared!
Wednesday, April 4, 2012
Mr. Fix-it
Picture this: A seven-year-old kid wearing a striped t-shirt, glasses, a bicycle helmet, shorts, and black rubber boots arriving at your door with a big black tool box. Then picture the kid asking you to fix something around your house. That's exactly the way it was with my son today.
"Mama," he said in his get-up. "I'm going to go around the neighborhood and fix people's broken things."
I took a good look at him. "Oh, yeah?" I said. "Maybe you should practice around here first."
He nodded. "That's a good idea." Then he went off to find some things to fix.
A half hour later he came back inside. "I walked all around our property. I didn't find anything to fix. But I found a red ant nest."
"Did you fix that?" I asked him.
"Mama, I'm a repair man, not an exterminator!"
"Mama," he said in his get-up. "I'm going to go around the neighborhood and fix people's broken things."
I took a good look at him. "Oh, yeah?" I said. "Maybe you should practice around here first."
He nodded. "That's a good idea." Then he went off to find some things to fix.
A half hour later he came back inside. "I walked all around our property. I didn't find anything to fix. But I found a red ant nest."
"Did you fix that?" I asked him.
"Mama, I'm a repair man, not an exterminator!"
Tuesday, April 3, 2012
Eating Bubbles
When you were a kid, did you like blowing bubbles in your beverages? I did. It seems that my kids inherited this little idiosyncracy from me.
"Mama," my son said after I poured him a glass of milk. "Can I have a straw?"
"Me too," my daughter said.
I knew exactly what this meant, but I gave them straws anyway. "Just don't make a mess."
They proceeded to blow bubble towers with their milk. Those things got pretty high. Then they stuck their faces in the bubble pile and slurped them up.
"Mmmm. Bubbles are yummy!" exclaimed my daughter.
"Yeah," my son said. "Delectable!" (For seven years old, he has a rather expansive vocabulary!)
Pretty soon the milk bubbles spilled over the sides of the glasses, leaving puddles of milk on the table.
"Kids, you need to get a paper towel and clean up that mess!"
No worries, because just then, our big old German Shepherd with the big pink tongue came along. He licked the table clean. Apparently he likes eating bubbles, too.
"Mama," my son said after I poured him a glass of milk. "Can I have a straw?"
"Me too," my daughter said.
I knew exactly what this meant, but I gave them straws anyway. "Just don't make a mess."
They proceeded to blow bubble towers with their milk. Those things got pretty high. Then they stuck their faces in the bubble pile and slurped them up.
"Mmmm. Bubbles are yummy!" exclaimed my daughter.
"Yeah," my son said. "Delectable!" (For seven years old, he has a rather expansive vocabulary!)
Pretty soon the milk bubbles spilled over the sides of the glasses, leaving puddles of milk on the table.
"Kids, you need to get a paper towel and clean up that mess!"
No worries, because just then, our big old German Shepherd with the big pink tongue came along. He licked the table clean. Apparently he likes eating bubbles, too.
Monday, April 2, 2012
The Golden Nut
My son likes munching on pistachios. Today, we opened a new bag of the little green nuts. He happened to notice a little Angry Bird sticker on it.
"Mama, what's this?"
"I don't know," I said. "Why don't you take it off and find out ?"
"You do it," he said.
Yeah, of course. That's the way it always goes. So, I pulled off the sticker. "It says here in fine print, 'The Hunt for the Golden Pistachio.'"
My son got all excited. "Does that mean there's a golden pistachio in the bag?"
"No. It means you get a code to play some kind of video game involving Angry Birds and a Golden Pistachio."
Apparently that went in one ear and out the other. He grabbed the bag of pistachios and started munching. After about fifteen minutes, he ran over to me all excited. "I found the golden pistachio!"
I looked at him kind of funny. "Oh yeah? Let me see."
He showed me a nut with definitive yellow streaks on it. "I'm going to keep it, because it's worth a million bucks."
So now he a a million dollar golden pistachio sitting on his book shelf. Anybody want to buy it?
"Mama, what's this?"
"I don't know," I said. "Why don't you take it off and find out ?"
"You do it," he said.
Yeah, of course. That's the way it always goes. So, I pulled off the sticker. "It says here in fine print, 'The Hunt for the Golden Pistachio.'"
My son got all excited. "Does that mean there's a golden pistachio in the bag?"
"No. It means you get a code to play some kind of video game involving Angry Birds and a Golden Pistachio."
Apparently that went in one ear and out the other. He grabbed the bag of pistachios and started munching. After about fifteen minutes, he ran over to me all excited. "I found the golden pistachio!"
I looked at him kind of funny. "Oh yeah? Let me see."
He showed me a nut with definitive yellow streaks on it. "I'm going to keep it, because it's worth a million bucks."
So now he a a million dollar golden pistachio sitting on his book shelf. Anybody want to buy it?
Sunday, April 1, 2012
Shredding Kleenex
First of all, before I start this post, I wanted to let you all know that the A-Z blog challenge has begun. As you can see, I'm not doing it on this blog, but I am doing it on my other blog, Gone Gardening. If you'd like, you can stop by and visit that blog, as well as click on the A-Z badge to visit other bloggers.
Now to the regularly scheduled programming. It's been a while since you've had a dog report. Mostly because he's been pretty good lately. Today he wasn't so good. Maybe it was his April Fools joke.
I was in the kitchen doing dishes. All of a sudden, my daughter starts yelling, "No, Schultz! Bad boy!"
I knew the dog was definitely up to something.
I walked into the family room. The varmint had gotten a hold of a box of Kleenex. He decided it would be great fun to shred that thing. So what I found was a bunch of torn Kleenex and shredded box all over my floor.
"Schultz!" I bellowed. "Quit eating the Kleenex!"
He cocked his head and looked at me.
"Yeah, you," I said.
He knew he was in a bit of trouble, so he high-tailed it right into his crate, dragging along a piece of Kleenex in his mouth.
What's with that dog? A couple weeks ago he was eating paper towels. Now it's Kleenex. Something isn't right with that. I think I'm going to take him to a dog shrink.
Now to the regularly scheduled programming. It's been a while since you've had a dog report. Mostly because he's been pretty good lately. Today he wasn't so good. Maybe it was his April Fools joke.
I was in the kitchen doing dishes. All of a sudden, my daughter starts yelling, "No, Schultz! Bad boy!"
I knew the dog was definitely up to something.
I walked into the family room. The varmint had gotten a hold of a box of Kleenex. He decided it would be great fun to shred that thing. So what I found was a bunch of torn Kleenex and shredded box all over my floor.
"Schultz!" I bellowed. "Quit eating the Kleenex!"
He cocked his head and looked at me.
"Yeah, you," I said.
He knew he was in a bit of trouble, so he high-tailed it right into his crate, dragging along a piece of Kleenex in his mouth.
What's with that dog? A couple weeks ago he was eating paper towels. Now it's Kleenex. Something isn't right with that. I think I'm going to take him to a dog shrink.
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